Monkey Business

This Moment::Typical

2012-03-02T15:33:00.000-08:00

Thursday

2012-02-29T04:42:00.000-08:00

I love this picture. Confusion on Colby's face & pure joy on Tyler's. I love the way Tyler loves Colby...

The excitement builds early in the morning. We rush around gathering clothes, finding shoes, packing snacks and lunch. I threaten too many times that the plan will be aborted if they don't follow directions. As we pull away from the takeout window with a hot steamy coffee and a couple of bagels, the radio goes up and we settle in. This is our adventure day, Thursday.

A weekly day off from school (a bonus of afternoon kindergarten) falls perfectly after Wednesday, the day I work and arrive home well after they fall asleep. The more I am away, the more I crave everything about them. Their hair, their laughs, their smiles, their hugs. I don't invite anyone to join us - unusual for me, but oh so needed. I need them to myself. And as we zoom down the highway to the next destination, I am so content. All my babies with me, an adventure in itself.

I am so lucky.

Going Back

2012-02-28T13:45:00.000-08:00

It had been almost 2 months since we went back to New Jersey. 2 months too long to see people you love...and who love you. The thing about living far away from family is that it sucks. It does. There is no way around it. Birthday parties are missed, park playdates are impossible, and Sunday dinners are smaller.

But there is a silver lining.

The visits. The visits are awesome. The time together is suddenly upgraded to almost Holiday status. Kids are hugged tighter, the camera clicks away during the ordinary moments that are now extraordinary. Families change plans and drop everything to meet at the zoo for an hour, or grab a bite at the Diner.

It almost makes up for the time apart.

Almost.

We are Family

2012-02-24T15:38:00.000-08:00

So much family time in the last few weeks...awesome, just plain awesome!

Cool Colby

2012-02-23T13:45:00.000-08:00

I have lots of pictures to share and not a lot of time to write...so how about a few days of pictures to finish off the week?

ps. no time to edit sorry :(
pps. Yes, he had 5 stitches after slipping into the brick hearth...shhh don't tell Nana!

This Moment::Sidelines

2012-02-17T09:47:00.000-08:00

Together

2012-02-15T04:56:00.000-08:00

From the very beginning they have been inseparable. Sticking close, playing together, eating at the same time, sleeping in the same room. And I always watched and wondered how long it would last. How long these twins of mine would stay super close.

These days they sleep in separate rooms. Have their own friends at school and often split up on the weekends. She likes animals, he prefers Ninjas. Occasionally they join together in a game, but the change is obvious. I know it is a necessary stage, they need to be independent. But at the same time I want them to stay close, special, twin-ey. Twice a week at open skate, they are as Twin-ey as can be.

They stick together. Make up their own skating games. Wait for each other if one falls. Laugh at the same things. Watch out for each other on an ice teeming with crazy kids skating in mayhem. I love it. And hopefully this will be the ticket. Finding an activity or hobby or interest that they can share, just the two of them.
My twins.

Funny Valentines

2012-02-14T11:22:00.000-08:00

Ahh, the school Valentine. Im not one for the store bought variety, although Im sure one day the kids will beg for them. But, I like the kids to think a little creatively...which translates into me searching the web and then convincing them that they like the idea I found.

Oops, did I say that out loud?!

Anyway, we actually did this idea last year as well, but new schools filled with new classmates means a repeat performance.

I take the picture, the kids pick which "sticker" decorations they like, print them out and then punch two holes on either side of their fist. Slide a lollipop through the holes and - Voila! Creative Valentine done :)

Can you get enough of this little stinker?! He insisted on the moustache...and Im so glad he did. I can't stop giggling at Tyler's Valentine!

xoxo

Old Flame

2012-02-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

Over 60 years ago, Nana Ruth was engaged to man who was not destined to be my grandfather. She dropped the poor guy when she met Big Sid...and the rest is history.

But, not quite. Nana has an admirer.

This same man tracked Nana down from states away. Having had no contact for 60 years, he is now writing her notes and cards. He sends her pictures. And today a big box arrived - her Valentine!

Mom says that Nana glows when he is mentioned. Im getting over there ASAP to see for myself! I love that she feels special. And I can't help to imagine my grandmother 60 years ago casting spells over helpless men!

Happy Valentines Day, Nana! xoxo

T for Two

2012-02-07T11:33:00.000-08:00

While the big kids are in school and Colby is sleeping, the middle child and I enjoy some quality time each afternoon. We paint, read, play army guy and board games. He sits next to me on a computer game while I check email and try to avoid Pinterest. We chat about school, tv shows, and poking out eye balls (his favorite subject).
Today my Tyler T. and I shared tea time. Green Tea is my drink of choice, while Ty indulges in hot chocolate, made with milk of course. We cradled our warm mugs and sat. Content. He described his latest castle drawing with hot lava and "stink butts" to deter enemies. I prodded, unsuccessfully, about school. Then he hopped up and away to do his own thing, and I followed his lead and did the same.

ps. he is MORE than happy to use Drew's mug..."we don't have to tell him, o-tay, mommy?"

This Moment::News Watching

2012-02-03T05:07:00.000-08:00

Colby...We Hear You!!

2012-02-01T06:09:00.000-08:00

At almost 18 months old, Colby G makes himself known.

"AH, AH, AH!!"

That's his way of pointing out something interesting, asking for help, wanting food, well...just about anything. We hear that ALL. DAY. LONG.

He also calls his buddy, "Ey-ya" and Ella comes a running. He answers nearly every question with an enthusiastic, "Yeah!"

Once I start to dry my hair he sticks to me like a monkey, for fear I'll sneak out on him.

He loves, loves, loves to be outside. Still a dancing fool and if you read him a book you'll be friends for life. He follows close behind the big kids intently mimicking their every move.

He makes us laugh. He makes us pull our hair out in frustration. Mostly he just makes us so thankful.

Out & About

2012-01-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

10 Minutes in the car.
And we can smell it as soon as we get out.

We catch a glimpse as we head down the big grassy hill. Their little feet bound quicker than I think possible as the little baby points from my back. The sweet, salty air floats upward and we greet it enthusiastically.

Into the winter wood we go. Barren trees, muddy moats, tiny chunks of ice reminding us of how the weather should be. We skip past giddy with the surprising warmth, anxious to meet our reward.

We burst from the wood and pause to take it all in.
The marsh, the river, the ocean just beyond.

We linger until it is almost dark. Finally leaving after soaking up our fill, content to know we will be back soon.

History

2012-01-30T11:36:00.000-08:00

3 generations traveled down to Battleship Cove this weekend. Our mission was to see a piece of our history, not just ours as Americans, but ours because our Grandfather helped build this ship.

My Grandpa Toot (as in Tyler Toivo) spent years working on the USS Massachusetts. This was after serving as a Navy man himself. He told my Dad countless stories, painted his basement workshop with leftover paint from the shipyard, and watched the ship launch for the first time.

And we climbed, walked, and explored it on Saturday.

It was a great chance to reflect on our military. Walking through ships and submarines there is an almost overwhelming sense of Service and Sacrifice. And I also felt fear. I can't imagine manning a gun, hiding from enemies and searching them out, running off a boat into Battle. I can't imagine my son or my husband sleeping on those cots or washing the deck.

I left that day proud and thankful, as an American and a Granddaughter.

Mini Rave

2012-01-24T18:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I send the kids to the basement, turn up the music, turn off the lights and give them lightsticks. It buys me about 45 min to an hour of peace.

Sometimes I feel like a genius and sometimes I feel like a lazy no good mama.

But to them, Im a hero every time...and if there are friends over, celebrity status!

In the Details

2012-01-23T09:46:00.000-08:00

While waiting for the bus today, Tyler was sitting on the console next to the driver's seat. I was looking at his face, studying the details. His lashes, his freckles, the way his lips and eyebrows look just like Mike's. I said, "Ty your eyes are so cool. They have blue, green and gray in them."

From the backseat, Drew said, "They are the same as yours, Mom."

I flew open the mirror on my visor and peered into my own eyes. Drew was right. Ty smooshed his face into mine for a quick comparison, and quickly concurred.

How hadn't I known this? How did Drew?

We checked each other's eyes out and he other three are all the same, pure blue and perfect.

But Tyler's are all mine and that makes me feel oddly happy and satisfied. I think we all search for ourselves in our kids. In looks and personalities. Sometimes we search for qualities that aren't really there, or discover ones we couldn't possibly see in ourselves (Stubborn? Didn't get that from me!!!) And it makes us proud. Because we made these awesome little beings...and the proof is in the details.

(there are few things Ty enjoys more than a little photo booth on the computer:)

This Moment:: Finally

2012-01-20T06:56:00.000-08:00

T-Bone is Four :)

2012-01-19T05:04:00.000-08:00

I love this video...but it is also making me sad right now because we chopped his hair off. I miss his crazy boy hair!!

Tyler at 3 and our all time favorite video, Tyler at 2

Drew at 6

2012-01-18T06:11:00.000-08:00

Just like last year, our favorite part is the face he makes when he is trying not to smile...Mr. Tough Guy!

Here is Drew at 5 and Drew at 4

6 going on 16

2012-01-17T13:05:00.000-08:00

Each year I take a short video of my kids....although they are getting longer as they have more to say. Here is 6 year old Ella ...

Here is Ella at 5 and Ella at 4 years old.

This Moment:: Accomplish

2012-01-13T06:51:00.000-08:00

On My Mind...

2012-01-12T14:45:00.000-08:00

:: We are missing a 3rd Birthday in New Jersey this weekend. I hate that, mostly because I love Birthdays. I love celebrating a life, I do, especially one as cute as this guy. And the Dargans always have fun when we get together :)

:: I've worked 6 days in a row now. Luckily not for many hours each day, but I've had to leave them and they know it. I have such mixed feelings about working...but then again, who doesn't?!

:: I laced 3 pairs of skates today and everyone (but Colby) smiled for one hour straight. It was one of those "Im so lucky because my kids are so awesome" moments.

:: The two boys got hurt at the rink, after they got off the ice...why does that feel so typical for us?!

:: We are approaching a major clean up around here. The mess seems to happen so suddenly. My father is calling the Health Department on my car, Im afraid a kid will get lost in the pile of laundry, and there are toys scattered everywhere...

:: There are cousins coming this weekend and the excitement is nearly palpable!

Checking In...

2012-01-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

I haven't been here everyday like I used to be. Those were the days when mornings moved slowly and afternoons moved even slower. The days when we had routines that felt monotonous and we went looking for excitement.

Those days are gone.

But, I need to get on here. This has always been my time to reflect on the good, focus on my kids, and be thankful for all I have.

The camera has been left behind more than usual too...but I managed to catch these shots...

See you soon! xoxo

To My In-Laws

2012-01-05T06:13:00.000-08:00

Dear Grandma, Pop-Pop and the rest,
Living away is tough. We always traded updates and stories. You always knew exactly what was going on. You are long overdue for an update. Ill pretend Im sitting at your table sharing cold cuts and fill you in....
Ella's tooth is growing in and she is so proud. She insists on changing into sweatpants and a t-shirt as soon as she gets home from school. She loves taking her own showers now and she's reading more and more words everyday.
Drew's top two teeth are loose. He is eating constantly and I fear that means he is growing more - why can't they stay little forever?! When I volunteer in their class he is a little bit of a class clown, can you believe it?!
Tyler and Drew are quite inseparable. When he isn't with Drew, Tyler can usually be found behind a couch with a container of sprinkles..."Im doin NUTHIN!" His hair is getting long and I think we might keep it that way :)
Colby is a dancing machine. When he isn't dancing he is eating. He loves to hug and kiss everyone, especially if they are crying. Cue lots of fake crying.
Mike and I are doing well, but busy. Everyday seems packed, but we are together more than ever - a bonus! Mike's deal finally closed - whew! Good Riddance! And I have 2 real estate clients. Things are looking up.
We love you, miss you and talk about you all the time -
xoxo

Feeling Good

2012-01-04T11:39:00.000-08:00

Sometimes when we are out for a walk, Tyler just decides to lay down and roll. I suppose it feels good to my little crazy. We should all do things that make us feel good...just because they feel good.

Here is what feels good right now....

:: Popping popcorn on the stove & savoring with a cup of green tea

:: Crafts in the kitchen & the conversation that comes along with it

::Getting outside, not matter how cold & then warming up inside

::Sharing Homeland with my husband

:: Slippers, books and afghans

:: Settling into home for the winter...almost like hibernating but with little trips here & there

Resolve

2012-01-03T09:54:00.000-08:00

(Peapod - give me a call to talk advertising!)

There isn't a week that goes by that Im not planning something, setting a goal or resolving to change. I vow to keep up with the laundry, play more board games, or avoid sugar. Im always ready to improve...myself, my family, my days. Not because Im not happy, but the exact opposite. I may be one of the luckiest people around - family, health, wealth (it's all relative, people) - and I consciously work to appreciate what I have and think of ways to enjoy it more. A little corny? Cliche? Pollyanna-ish? So be it.

But a new year ups the ante. This is where the big guns come out. It isn't about minor improvements or silly little tasks. For me the New Year is a time to take stock of where we are, what we are doing, and where we are going. My resolutions are designed to move us forward on those goals. What will we make of this life? This year?

1. Live Purposefully:: I think about this everyday. To me this is about making the days count. Filling our days with moments that build on our life, not just pass the time. But it is all too easy to get caught up in mindless routines, or to veg out in front of the Real Housewives on TV. So this year, I resolve to keep the purpose present - every day.

2. Be Grateful:: Im guilty of wanting. There is plenty to want. New clothes, fancy cars, vacations, a house. But wanting isn't satisfying, it isn't making me happy and it isn't the focus I need in my life. Each day Im going to find a way to be grateful for what I have - this blog helps, talking to the kids about being grateful helps more, and a few minutes of good ol' self talk can solve the "wants" pretty quick.

3. Look Forward:: Laying the groundwork today will get us to where we want to be...someday. Im going to stay focused on our goals - as a business woman :), a mom, and a wife. Little weekly goals will keep me on track.

I strongly believe that life is what you make of it...and 2012 will be the best year yet!

This Moment:: Energy

2011-12-30T07:52:00.001-08:00

Reflections

2011-12-29T18:24:00.000-08:00

It is no secret that I love me a little self reflection...and an end of the year reflection? Well, it will keep me happily ruminating for weeks! There is certainly plenty to reflect on this year, seeing since just about halfway through 2011 we made the big move. A move that was so risky, so nerve racking, so exciting that we will surely feel the repercussions for many years to come. We still feel like we are in the very beginnings of our plan. Anxious to see it grow and still sometimes wondering if we should have just stayed where we were.

I think whenever I look back on 2011 the overwhelming feeling will be of pride. I am so proud of us for taking charge of our life. Proud that we were willing to take risks to achieve our goals. Im proud of my husband for throwing himself into a new career. Proud of my kids for easily joining new neighborhood crews and walking into new schools with smiles. Proud of my parents for welcoming us, loving us, and making this craziness as fun and as easy as possible.

Of course looking back eventually turns into looking forward. Accomplishments to be built upon, weaknesses to be corrected. I have some resolutions ready to be finalized. The only thing I like more than reflecting is goal setting!

Christmas Memories

2011-12-27T08:42:00.000-08:00

Christmas 2011 was the year::

* I didn't bake a thing!

* a pony peeked out of a convertible and Star Wars invaded our gift pile

* we lost Tyler and experienced the panic every parent dreads

* singing in the garage was the perfect ending to a great xmas eve

* we caroled at the neighbors home and walked down a lane of luminaries

* we rushed and relaxed, rushed and relaxed

* my favorite baby plaid Christmas pants made their last showing

* so many things remained un-checked on the to-do list...a lesson in how doing less can be best

* so many moments to savor with kids the perfect ages for the magic of Christmas

This Moment::Wishing

2011-12-16T05:17:00.000-08:00

Drew Boy is 6!

2011-12-15T09:09:00.000-08:00

Hey Buddy Boy!

You are the absolute sweetest boy. I've known it since you were a baby. No matter what the whacky twin sister did to you, you were only sweet to her. Nothing has changed - you are still sweet. It is funny how the world works, buddy. Some people think that the rougher the boy, the better. That boys should be rough and tumble, getting into messes and trouble. And sometimes they do, and sometimes you do. But a sweet boy - a gentle, caring, thoughtful boy - well, he is just amazing. Sometimes when I see you being you, I smile because I can imagine the husband and father you may someday be - your family will be so lucky.

6 is going to be a good year for you pal. You are coming into your own. People used to call you shy and quiet - but I haven't heard that in a while! You marched onto the soccer field, into Kindergarten, and wobbled out with your ice skates like a soldier...a happy soldier. You have made friends at school, and jump into neighborhood games. You are Mr. Confident these days, and I like it :)

It is hard to talk about you without mentioning the Captain. You guys have something special Drew, you always have. Now that we moved you guys have become even closer. I like watching you with my dad, loving, curious, confident and most of all, happy.

Happy Birthday to the best boy - you make me so proud!

Love Mom

To My 6 yr old Girl

2011-12-14T05:56:00.000-08:00

Dear Ella,
It is hard to believe the teeny tiniest of my babies is now 6 years old, sometimes it is hard to believe you are mine at all. It doesn't seem possible that one momma can be this lucky and blessed.

You captivate me. There isn't a day that goes by that Im not taken back by how smart you are, how funny and/or how much of the world you are taking in. You don't miss a beat! You notice what people are wearing and remember what they say. You are the life of the party, but can quickly slip into the woodwork when you want to listen to an adult conversation :) You ask questions that seem a little too deep for a little girl with pigtails and freckles.

You are brave and adventurous, especially when we are outside. That tiny body of yours flits across beaches, glides through the pool, climbs into branches, and races into the woods. You are quick to make friends and I love the way you think of ways to surprise them - with pictures, treats, or special games. You soak up everything you can about big kids and cousins - studying them intently with those blue, blue eyes.

Watching you grow up every day is quite the show, and as always Im so happy to have the front row seat.

Love you always my Bella Boo -
Mom

Ty Turns Four

2011-12-09T08:21:00.000-08:00

My Dear Tyler T -
I planned to have another baby when the twins started school - you came days before they turned 2. I planned for you on December 17th - you arrived on the 10th. I planned on no epidural - I couldn't get it fast enough. I planned on another baby who was quiet and easy like the 2 before him - you made it clear from day 1 that you had other plans. You see, my T-Boney, you were nothing like I had planned.

And Im so glad and I wouldn't want you any other way!

I love that you march to your own drum. As a mom, I have to attempt to hammer in some manners and rules, but Im trying to do it while preserving your spirit. You are passionate - when you are up, you are sky high happy, when you are down - watch out! You are figuring out your place in the world - tough for a guy sandwiched between twins paving the way and an adorable baby bringing up the rear. But if there is one thing you can do, it is hold your own!

Tyler T, this was an awesome year for you. You have become so independent, adventurous, and even more amazing. Im proud of you everyday.

Happy Birthday my sweet, crazy boy! Love always, your Momma

Tea Time

2011-12-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Picture is totally unrelated to blog...I just like it :)

Tis tea season again. The time of year when a hot cup of tea cradled in my hands brings me a few minutes of comfort and hopefully quiet!

Here is a list of things I can do while waiting for the kettle to whistle....

*Check on sleeping babies kids and marvel for a minute

*Finish the box of chocolates and hide the evidence

*Pick up a random assortment of items from the floor - why were they playing with a comb?!

*Wash a sink full of dishes

*Switch the laundry

*Get them started on a project that hopefully lasts as long as my cup of tea

*Stare absentmindedly out the window

It is amazing how taking a few minutes to settle down can recharge me for another round!

Settle Down

2011-12-07T11:24:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I need to take a minute to settle down. Hunker down on the couch with a cup of tea. Or better yet - hit the road and get outside with my kids. The days are zooming by as they always do this time of year. And this year more than ever Im longing to just settle it down for a minute.

I miss my kids more than I ever have. I knew that I would once they started school - but with moving and me working, I miss them more than I expected. When we are all home it is tough to get in a good conversation. But when we are out...oh, I could listen to them talk all day.

I already feel a New Year's Resolution coming...it is brewing away. But in the meantime, Ill take what I can get. Ill remember to take a minute each day to just simmer down. And an extra minute each day to snuggle them tight.

Let's Celebrate!

2011-12-06T17:12:00.000-08:00

There are some big happenings for these three coming up in the next 20 days. They have birthdays, visits back to NJ, parties, more birthdays, more visits to NJ, more parties and of course Christmas! It is just about all they can handle. We have a countdown calendar to keep track of it all, yet Tyler still asks me several times a day if it is Birthday or Christmas today.

Kids make celebrations and holidays that much better. They are so excited...about everything! I have to keep reminding myself to keep it simple, because their excitement tempts me to do more. But at this age their expectations are so low and I can spend more time enjoying them enjoying the season than rushing around filling it up.

Let's party!

Tree Hunt

2011-12-05T18:52:00.000-08:00

We went to the Christmas Tree Farm and picked out our tree (well, sort of....see below). And we laughed...oh my goodness did we laugh. But then again we always do when we are all together.

click on this picture to see the guys faces, so funny!!

When we got home everyone got right to work. My father, mother and Mike rearranged furniture, got the stand in place and lugged in the tree. I scooted into the kitchen and got dinner ready. I peered in from time to time to see the action, check on the kids, and marvel on the scene. As I cooked, stirred and listened, I realized there was a lesson today.

My mother is big into Christmas. And the tree is her thing. We went out 3 times together and then she went once herself to pick the perfect Concolor tree (has to be concolor!). Then she brought us all down to the farm so that we could feel part of the process. And this is when the lesson began. After to close to 40 years of picking out Christmas Trees together, my father knows the drill. He knows that he will have very little say no say in the tree she chooses, but he goes along with the scripted scene. He doesn't complain...on the contrary he slips in little jokes that keep us all laughing. When we get home he starts the delegating and directing - it is what he is good at! My mother, perched on ladders or buried under the tree listens and follows his orders without with very little complaint.

That my friends is how successful marriages work :)

This Moment:: Happy

2011-12-02T06:07:00.000-08:00

Two Stories

2011-12-01T18:32:00.000-08:00

Two True Stories about Tyler T.

1. We all went to Plimouth Plantation the day after Thanksgiving - how appropriate of us, don't you think? While in one of the teeny tiny Pilgrim houses, a woman in character was explaining how they cooked as she sat next to the fire. Tyler standing a mere foot from her, looking right in her eye, said "Boring!!" as loud as he could, turned on his heel and walked out.

2. I sat across from Tyler's 2 preschool teachers in a standard, too serious for preschool, conference. I listened patiently as they went on and on about how Tyler is polite, respectful and quiet. How he raises his hand, follows the rules of the classroom, shares and cleans up better than the other students. I resisted the urge to ask if they were sure they were talking about my son. When I returned home I congratulated Tyler and repeated what the teachers had said. Drew piped up, "Well, why doesn't he act like that at home?!"

My Baby

2011-11-30T06:23:00.000-08:00

No matter how big he gets, he will always be my baby - whether he likes it or not. He knows when Im getting ready to leave. He clings on to me, or runs to get his shoes. I have left him more than I have left any of my other babies.

Momma guilt is tough.

But, despite my neglecting him :) He is happy! He is a smiling, dancing, laughing baby. He makes our days better as he has since the day he was born.

Tonight will be the second night in a row that someone other than me puts him to sleep. Although it breaks my heart, I know that my mother, father, and his awesome daddy around him can only make him happier.

So I guess I can live with that guilt.

Thanks

2011-11-29T04:20:00.000-08:00

We have been talking about being thankful a lot lately. Of course it is the season, but I think there are other reasons too. I feel lucky that my kids aren't asking for a whole lot. In fact, they haven't even asked for their toys that are in storage. They have been content with what they have.

As I wrote that, I realized they are teaching me again. I was going to write a post about how I have been trying to teach them to be more thankful. About not worrying who has more or about what they don't have...but to be mindful of what they do have. Of course there are minor skirmishes about who has more candy or who gets to play with the big box, but on a whole they are satisfied, content, happy with what they have.

And I suppose that is the real lesson. One that I need to practice a bit more. There will always be things I don't have...and the list would be far too easy to write. But that would get me nowhere but wanting, unsatisfied, and frustrated. Instead I will look to my kids for inspiration in appreciating and making the best of what I do have. A leftover moving box? Limitless opportunity! Couch pillows? They can be rafts, cars, rocks to cross the river!

No home of my own? How about living with 2 people who adore your children, fold your laundry & make you dinner?!!

Of course like all challenging lessons, this is more easily said than done...but Ill keep practicing.

In so many ways - for their love, their laughter, their lessons - I am so very Thankful for my children.

Hero

2011-11-22T07:43:00.000-08:00

Our friend is heading into the hospital today. He is giving his bone marrow to his brother. To save his brothers life. With a sibling having a less than 25% chance of being a viable match...he is a perfect match.

We have always known he is a special kid. But now we think of him as a hero. As a brave, life changing, life saving hero.

Good luck our friend!

This Moment:: Anything Goes at Auntie Pati's House

2011-11-18T07:20:00.000-08:00

Snapshots

2011-11-17T09:29:00.000-08:00

Happiness is contagious...

Smiles are infectious...

Kids are the best medicine!

Inspire

2011-11-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

Who inspires you?

It is easy to imagine how you might react or handle a situation that you have never lived through. You picture yourself strong facing adversity like a prize fighter. Or maybe you imagine yourself curled in the fetal position under a blanket hiding from the world.

Hopefully you'll never know.

This year I have looked at the faces of people I love who found out. They lived lessons that challenged every fiber in their body. They stood up, they held it together, they carried on.

I was inspired and I still am.

Wah Wah

2011-11-14T18:31:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days.

The bookstore didn't have the train table that I promised. And I wouldn't buy the book he whined and cried for. (Im mean like that)

My Venti Green Tea Unsweetened (that I shouldn't be buying) spilled after my 4th sip.

I missed the bus and my neighbor had to claim my children (again).

No one liked lunch.

The playground wasn't fun.

The hike was too muddy.

The glass on the beach was too sharp & I wouldn't let them collect it.

The baby fell and has a huge bump on his forehead, just in time to meet the new pediatrician tomorrow.

No one liked dinner.

And those are the least of our worries.

So what to do?

The only thing I know how to do. Plan for a better day tomorrow and try to remember what I loved about today.

I'd tell you, but the list would be too long....

Back Road

2011-11-10T19:11:00.000-08:00

Makes me want to take a back road,

Makes me want to take the long way home.

Throw a little gravel in my travels,

Makes me want to take the back roads...

Im a little embarrassed to admit, I've been listening to Country Music stations. Some songs I just can't take...but others are resonating with me in ways that Katy Perry and Lady Gaga just don't. This Back Road song is a perfect soundtrack as we wind our way through the roads painted perfectly with Fall New England splendor. I do want to take the back roads, and not just for the foliage, but because Im rediscovering parts of my childhood that were long forgotten. The Y where we took swimming lessons, the tree farm where we trudged through fields to find the perfect tree, the house on the old road with plenty of pastures, a huge barn and the perfect tire swing - my dream home since as long as I can remember.

There are songs about fishing with your daughter, reigniting your relationship, and planning your next 30 years that really get me thinking while Im driving. (and I only sometimes think about the singing cowboys with deep voices and tight jeans) They get me thinking about appreciating what I have and being thankful for my blessings. I think about how fast my kids are growing and how I need to slow down and soak them in. There are songs about being at the beach that I adore because they take me right to my happy place. What I haven't found in country music is too many songs that hold anger or have underlying messages and lyrics that my kids really shouldn't be exposed to -like we hear on other stations.

Embarrassment aside....I may be becoming a Country Girl...at least on the back roads.

Hiking Part II

2011-11-09T09:41:00.000-08:00

Im telling you, this hike was so great Im still reliving it ;)

Colby's 1st time in the back & it went well. He only pulled my hair and grabbed my earrings about 100 times. And I pretended I was in better shape than I am. I also like this picture because my kids are getting better at taking pictures - our heads aren't cut off and it is in focus!!

What happens when I say, "strike a pose!"

They make me believe that every boy should have a brother. They are getting closer by the day.

Determination.

That's my girl.

Wait Up

2011-11-07T06:32:00.000-08:00

As soon as we hit a trail, she's off. She scampers ahead racing down paths and climbing up rocks. I find myself yelling,

"Wait up, Ella! Wait up!!"

She has become Ms. Independent, you see, with a fierce streak of competitiveness. It seems all traces of the shy baby who clung to me wherever we went has disappeared.

And she isn't just racing ahead on the trails. She is in a big rush to grow up. My baby girl is infatuated with older kids, studying their moves, their expressions, and their tastes like an eager understudy. She mimics them all too well...

"Mom, I was like so scared."

Her little attitude is more 13 year old than 5 year old and it is tough to take. If I hear

"No, I wasn't!"

one more time...

Luckily she is still only 5. And with me all the time. We have cute little conversations and read animal stories at night. I still pick out her clothes and braid her hair. But I see what's coming and I have an idea of where we are heading.

"Wait up, Ella!! Wait up!"

Need

2011-11-04T08:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I need them all to myself.

I had the car packed when I picked them up from school - my tires may have squeeled as I pulled out of the parking lot. We pulled up to the bottom of the trail and chose a route going straight to the top. In three steps I knew this was exactly what I needed. I took over a hundred photos, because I knew that my own eyes and memory wouldn't do this day justice. And that a few pictures flipped through in the coming months and years could bring me right back.

Her braids.

The pine needle carpet.

His sticky fingers on my neck.

The bubbly brook so cold on our fingers.

The way he warned me about the slippery rocks.

The yellows, oranges, and occasional reds.

How he sticks close to chat about school.

When the days get crazy and filled up, I need to remember to steal my kids away.

Sometimes all I need is them.

New Adventures

2011-11-02T08:07:00.000-07:00

We went adventuring a few weeks ago. An old friend invited us to one of their favorite places and it very quickly became one of our new favorites. The Heritage Museum is huge consisting of beautifully manicured grounds, art installations, a carousel, antique cars....and so much more that we haven't explored yet.

We spent most of our time in the Hidden Hollow, why wouldn't we? Designed as a family exploration center we found larger than life instruments, an enormous tree house, a working well with sinks and buckets, a craft center, sand box, puppet theaters, dress up....and more!

Stay tuned for more from the Heritage Museum...we will be adventuring there often!

Halloween Recap

2011-11-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

We love Halloween around here! Our family Halloween Motto is that it isn't a good Halloween unless you wear your costume at least 3 times :) We trick-or-treated at Stone Zoo, there were school parades, Parties at Nana Ruth's Residence, and of course Halloween itself. So, a good Halloween it was.

Two T-Rex dinosaurs, a mommy Dragon and of course the baby Dragon. They were a good choice this year because I could stuff them all with extra warm layers! Colby was the star of course :) He figured out real quick how to walk up for candy give a little "ah, ah" grab the candy and put it in his bucket. No watching from the stroller for him!

There are always the pictures I don't take. Like my mother as a witch in full face make-up with fake teeth hiding in the bushes to terrorize the neighborhood! Like my dad hiding behind a dumpster on a long dark driveway to do the same (are you sensing a theme here?). Like Drew yelling "Trick or Treat for Unicef!" at every door and collecting loot for "children in other countries."
Today we will drop our candy off to add to packages being sent to troops. Because shouldn't everyone enjoy Halloween?!

This Moment:: Happy Halloween!!

2011-10-27T05:54:00.000-07:00

just a sneak peak...more pictures on Monday!

T-Boney

2011-10-26T17:54:00.000-07:00

I call him T-Boney most of the time now. Apparently naming Colby with the "y" ending didn't satisfy my need for a cutesy ending. Although "Tyler" or more aptly "TYLER!!!!" may be the word I say shout most during the day.

It makes me a little sad, this bad rap that Ty has. But man, does he earn it sometimes. He has been harassing Colby for 3 straight days. Doing whatever he can to make Colby cry, scream, and freak out. I have to admit it is a little funny. Sometimes all Ty does is walk up and look at Colby's face - and BAM - instant screams!

The good news is that as fresh as he is, he is more cute and funny than anything else. At lunch the other day he was staring at my mother eating clams. He leaned over and whispered in my ear, "Mommy, I don't like the clams beechies" (our word for penis, and he was talking about the necks). And he can hug like no one else in this world.

There. Just a little note about my T-Boney.

ps. The hat was in the boys department, but every time I look at it, I think it is for a girl.

Boo!!!

2011-10-25T18:26:00.000-07:00

Last night we BOOed the neighbors. It was the most fun I've had in a long time (go ahead, make jokes about my social life...).

Do you know about "booing?"

It is basically Ding-Dong-Ditch, but you leave a cute little Halloween surprise for your neighbors. We put on our hoods and hats and snuck up the neighbors driveway. The kids were so cute, careful and quiet. Then we put our Boo note, a little bucket of treats and a smattering of plastic spiders (oohh, spooky!) on their doorstep. The kids got ready to run and I banged that door knocker as loud as I could. We took off for the bushes!

I could see the adrenaline on my kids faces and the little rush of excitement was so fun.

Im thinking of new spins we could do all year...like maybe "elfing" or "leprechauning" or maybe Ill just start Ding-Dong-Ditching the neighbors for no good reason at all :)

ps. this sets a record for the post with the most non-words ever

Times they are a Changing...

2011-10-24T07:42:00.000-07:00

Three months have passed since we packed our lives up and moved in with my parents. And boy, I don't know if the novelty of how different life is will ever wear off. There are noticeable changes everyday, almost every minute. Take this weekend for example...
*Saturday AM my Dad took the 3 oldest kids to work with him. Because he wanted to. They drove 40 minutes each way to see him at work. They loved it.

*I went into Boston to take my real estate exam (I passed! Want to buy a house? Call me!)

*Mom watched the baby.

*Mike met up with my dad at soccer.

*Mike went to work.

*Dad took 3 big kids to a Thai food lunch with Aunti Pati and Nana Vera.

*I picked up Colby (mom went to work) and met up with everyone at the Fire Station Open House.

*I took Ella and Colby to my cousins house, while the boys went home with Dad.

And that was only Saturday. We spend more time apart, but at the same time it feels like we spend more time together.
Of course some things never change...

This Moment: Corn Cannon

2011-10-21T11:58:00.001-07:00

These Two

2011-10-19T05:52:00.000-07:00

Oh these two. They are going to be trouble, I tell ya. Three mornings a week they rule the roost. Colby, usually left to his own devices while the 3 kids play, is called upon as Tyler's playmate. I use the word "playmate" loosely....maybe "toy" would be more appropriate, or perhaps "victim."

It must be said that Colby is beginning to hold his own against the T-Bone. He yells back at Tyler, pinches his cheeks and tackles him when he is on the floor. He is 14 months old. And that is why we are going to be in trouble. Has Tyler met his match? Only time will tell.

In the meantime Im focusing on the tender moments, like the one above. Sometimes, for a minute, they are sweet together. Loads of kisses and hugs, sharing a love for the snack cabinet, and dancing away to music.

These two...

Landed

2011-10-18T06:51:00.000-07:00

When we have gorged ourselves on sandy shores and blue horizons, when we have packed away all but one bathing suit (just in case), when hot cups replace the iced...we head inland.

Sometimes it is a paved path surrounded by perfectly pruned beauties. Sometimes we zoom by nature on scooters and bikes. Sometimes it is well marked trails with neat bridges to discover or a perilous (for 5 yr olds!) summit to conquer. Sometimes it is just a patch of wild between home and the neighbors.

No matter which flavor of nature we chose, we dig in. We breathe deep, lengthen our strides and oscillate between adventuring off on our own and slowing up to hold a hand. If the beach is our church, the woods are our chapel. A place to come together a little closer, to connect to something bigger, and to appreciate.

Today we met friends and buzzed around the nature center enjoying conversation, fresh perspectives and flexing our social muscles. But when our friends pulled out of the parking lot, we hung by our car reluctantly. We weren't done. We headed back to the trail map and picked a doozy. A perfect loop carpeted with pine needles and just wide enough to push a sleeping baby in the stroller. There was a steady stream of chatter:: school, moss, friends, food. They scurried ahead, they hung back to hold my hand.

Sometimes my mind can zoom off to a million places, but today I took a breath, looked at where I was and at their faces...and I landed.

For Inspiration

2011-10-17T04:18:00.000-07:00

There is a lot going on over here. We have licensing exams, orientations, new jobs...and then there is the whole business of settling into someone else's home and starting new schools.

Our old routines never made it into the moving boxes. Funny how when days were so monotonous, I longed for something different and now that each day is so unique, Im grasping for routine. Just when I start to wonder if we made the right choice, I look at my kids.

They are doing awesome. They are happier than they have ever been. They are more confident than they have ever been. They are flexible where they used to be rigid. They have more than adjusted, they are thriving.

And once I again I remember that the greatest lessons in parenting are the ones they are teaching me. Not knowing the sequence or schedule on the calendar isn't just because they haven't learned it yet - but because they are living in the now. This moment, this day is what matters to them. They aren't lamenting over what we have left behind or the way things used to be. They aren't worried about what will happen tomorrow, months from now, or in the coming year.

They can sit in the driveway and watch to see which animal eats the spilled cereal first. They can ride scooters and challenge themselves to do new tricks. They can sit and snuggle, relishing in the closeness of someone who loves them. They can go to bed each night exhausted from soaking up each and every moment.

And Im inspired to do the same.

This Moment:: Stop Taking My Picture!

2011-10-14T07:59:00.000-07:00

Computing

2011-10-12T06:32:00.000-07:00

Ahh, computers. We certainly are in a digital age and the kids will never know any different. Although Im sure our family is a little slow on the integration of technology in our lives, but I like it that way.
The kids favorite is PhotoBooth on our Macs. They could spend hours with the immediate satisfaction of silly faces preserved for eternity.

I was just thinking we should step up our computer usage.

And then a cup of coffee was spilled directly on my mother's laptop.

The good news is they didn't kick us out.

The bad news is, Im sure the computer is ruined.

So, we will stick with PhotoBooth and good old fashioned paper.

This Moment:: 4 Aunt Melissa

2011-10-07T10:04:00.000-07:00

Ella: "Aunt Melissa would love me today because I have a roller skate on my shirt and Im an artist."
Me: "Aunt Melissa loves you everyday."

Take Notice

2011-10-06T08:55:00.000-07:00

Days fly by around here. Sometimes if I don't stop and take notice, Im afraid Ill forget the way things are today.

**Colby eats his meals in a booster seat on top of the table or counter bar. His perch is perfect for observing his big brothers and sister, grabbing whatever is in reach and supervising the cooking.

**Tyler is struggling a bit with our Fall transition. He is VERY tired after school, but hasn't napped in years. He needs a little extra mommy time, and Im happy to coddle him. I know he will be too big too soon.

**Drew is relishing in Captain time. Just looking at them together is enough.

**Ella is trying to find her place amidst all the boys. She has been asking for a sister. She isn't getting one.

I love right now, especially since I will never have it again.

Colby to the G

2011-10-05T13:44:00.000-07:00

Im pretty sure he knows he's cute. He strikes a pose when he sees the camera out, shoots coy little smiles when he does a trick, and plays peek-a-boo with a face you could just devour. It's a good thing too.

You see this little perfect baby of mine has a few phases working right now that I could do without. I know, I know...it is just a phase...it will pass. But geesh. He follows me around most of the day and grabs onto my pant legs. When he gets a good grip, the whining starts. And.It.Doesn't.Stop.
And the baby who used to plop into his crib with a nippy and a kiss now requires me to stand next to his crib until he falls asleep. I don't do that. At least I never did before and never thought I would.

If he is outside he is happy. Lucky for him we are out a lot.

Like I said, good thing he is cute! xoxo

Mama's Girl

2011-10-04T07:55:00.000-07:00

We are doing a Fall clean out over here, and it has turned into something of a walk down memory lane. You never know what you will uncover in the next box! This morning I found my old barbies, doll clothes, and horse back riding trophies. I immediately thought of my daughter. She loves to hear about what I did when I was a little girl.

Having a girl is awesome. I love to pick out her clothes and do her hair. And Im excited by the potential of having a little girl. The possibilities of shopping trips and getting our nails done. Of late night talks about boys and sharing make-up. Of being with her on her wedding day and when she has her babies. Just like my mom was with me.

I can't wait for her to get home from school today so I can share my treasures with her. I doubt she will play with a barbie, and she has no dolls to dress in the clothes I played with, but it will be fun anyway. You see she isn't the same girl I was - She would rather play Batman in the bushes and snuggle up to her animals than braid a doll's hair. But I see me in her competitiveness, her inner drive to accomplish something just out of her reach, and the way she cares for other people.

That is the wonder of having my girl. Watching her become her own person, finding the similarities that connect us, and building what I hope will be an awesome relationship for years to come.

ps. I would be remiss to leave out my boys---Of course I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my boys :) xoxo

Jumping into Fall

2011-10-03T08:42:00.000-07:00

We turned the page on the calendar to October this weekend, and I was a little disappointed with the warm muggy air. It is Fall after all and Im ready for sweaters, hoods, apple picking, pumpkins and the other gems of the season.

On Sunday just after lunchtime, I felt goosebumps on my arm. That was all I needed. I quickly did a little research on the computer, picked out cute Fall outfits for the kids and packed everyone into the car. We were going to find Fall.

And we did.

Although the sweaters were soon tossed into the stroller, we ran through hay, jumped into a corn pit and shot corn from a cannon. We stayed celebrating and ushering in Fall until closing.

I think Fall appreciated us welcoming her with style, we were rewarded this morning with crisp, cool perfectly Fall air.

This Moment:: Sandy Baby on a Beach

2011-09-30T07:47:00.000-07:00

Jersey Love

2011-09-29T19:08:00.000-07:00

Dear Garden State,
I may have made a few jokes at your expense while calling you home for 7 years - I think we are close like that - I only tease the ones I love. I may have given you a bad rap for your poor air quality, crowded living conditions and your overabundance of fashion disasters.

But now I miss you.

Don't get me wrong, I love being back in my home state. But you see, tonight I pumped my own gas...in the dark...in the rain, and well, all I could think about was you. You, New Jersey, with your quick only slightly scary gas attendants and super low gas prices.

And then my mind wandered to all of your other noteworthy attributes. The bagels, oh your bagels are the best. Our favorite little zoo. The gorgeous views of NYC that I saw everyday.

But as I drove home in the darkness of true suburbia, I realized that it wasn't all those silly things that I miss. Because NJ will never be about gas or bagels. New Jersey will always be about our family. And that is what I miss.

So, NJ take care of my family and we will be back real soon.

xoxo
Lauren

Affirmations

2011-09-28T19:25:00.000-07:00

There are lots of moments everyday where I am not the best mom in the whole world. Times where even as they are happening I know I am being impatient or a little snappy or just plain missing a perfect learning opportunity. I sometimes look the other way when I should be intervening or shrug my shoulders instead of looking in their eyes and answering.

Not something Im proud to admit, although I know none of us are perfect. So when a moment comes along where something good is happening, I eat it up. Full on belly to the table slurping with a spoon - I acknowledge the little affirmations that my kids are awesome despite my imperfections and perhaps because of something I do manage to do right.

Like when they push each other on the swings. Or tell the story of checking on the other on the bus. Or when one makes sure to bring home the same for everyone. Sometimes it is as simple as pausing and noticing that they are happy. And as I soak it in I remember that it isn't the perfect little moments that they will remember or that will ultimately make them be whoever they will be - being loved is the key and I know I do that right.

Only Option

2011-09-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

When in the last days of September Mother Nature throws you a sunny day in the high 70's, there are no options. There is only one acceptable place to be, the beach. An invitation thrown out in a Facebook message has probably been overused and possibly abused at this point, but I can't stop myself. We raced home from the school bus stop, threw on our bathing suits and piled every known beach toy into the car. We didn't skimp on towels and hey, chairs for everyone!! Because soon we would switch the car into four wheel drive, roll down the windows, crank the tunes and head out on that bumpy road to paradise:: Saquish. We pulled the car onto the empty beach and spent an afternoon I will never forget.

We have only been to Saquish a few times this year, but the last two visits have been amazing. We are the only ones there. We run, skip and do cartwheels. We lay in tide pools warmed by the sun and fill our buckets with shells and sea glass. We sing songs at the top of our lungs and then walk quietly along the shore. The kids make up games and run farther than my voice can reach, but it doesn't matter. Colby tries to keep up, his chubby feet making miniature foot prints in the sand.

And I just soak it all in. Because in late September on a perfect day at the beach, that is the only option.

ps. Mike asked for an "album cover" type photo of the family - this is my best attempt so far

When You're 3.5

2011-09-26T05:58:00.000-07:00

When you are 3.5 you think you are pretty cool. You know lots and you aren't afraid to share it. Like where animals live, what foods you like, and what your poop looked liked this morning. You sing songs at the top of your lungs with all the wrong words and to the wrong tune.

When you are 3.5 you like to be in charge. You don't like to be told what to do or when to do it. You think you can scooter on a trail for 2 miles. Because when you are 3.5 you think you are 5.5 like your big brother and sister.

But when you are 3.5, sometimes just sometimes, you like to be a little bit like a baby. You cry for the last mile of the scooter ride because your legs are just too tired. You like to be held in the morning and someone to lay with you at night.

And that is why 3.5 is pretty much the perfect age.

This Moment:: World's End

2011-09-23T07:54:00.000-07:00

Alone...at last?

2011-09-22T12:07:00.000-07:00

In the last 6 years I have left my kids very seldom. Maybe once a month, or sometimes less (wow, my social life is sad!). Usually if I was going out at night I would first give them dinner, put on their PJs and sometimes even put them to bed before I left.
I didn't miss much.

In the last 6 weeks, I have missed a lot. A lot to us is several times a week. I have missed dinners, bedtimes and reading stories. And at other times I have been out with just one or two of my littles...Im not getting used to it yet. I feel the need to explain to everyone I pass that I have 4 children.

It doesn't feel relaxing, actually I constantly feel like I am forgetting something.

And although bedtime isn't my favorite part of the day - I miss it. And I feel guilty.

We have been talking to the kids about my going to work - part time. Drew has asked me a bunch of times who will watch them while I work. I cringe every time and my heart seizes with guilt. Once while passing a daycare he asked if he would have to go -it was like a dagger, I tell ya!

There are times when I long for the way things were, me & my babies together all day. There are times when I am so excited for the days to come - so many exciting changes! A life that feels my own! A break from the monotony of daily routine!

Im lucky that I have had the days I have had and the choices that are now before me. I take neither for granted - the time with them or the time away.

Swinging By

2011-09-21T09:39:00.000-07:00

They have come a long way in almost 6 years!

A popular question was whether or not we would keep them together in school. We decided to keep them together for Kindergarten, even though there wouldn't have been a choice to separate them anyway since the district only offers one half day Kindergarten.

It was cute to hear them talk about going to school on the first day and riding the bus together. I know there was a little extra, much needed, confidence by having each other to climb up those big bus steps. And it made me feel better sending them off, knowing that they were together.

The teacher has sat them next to each other for now, but Ella and Drew report that they never sit together during circle time, at snack time, or on the bus. And each is proud to say they have their own friends to play with it recess.

It is a funny feeling for me as a parent. I want them to be independent and capable of socializing with other kids...but at the same time, I want them to like each other and stay close - I want them to chose to be friends.

Ill just add it to the long, long list of all the things I want for my children. I know I can only try my hardest and watch how it all plays out. And Ill watch a little more carefully, paying attention to all the details before another 5 years swings by.

Tyler T Goes to School

2011-09-20T07:02:00.000-07:00

"Okaay Mommmy!"

He sang this all morning as I instructed him to brush his teeth, find his shoes, and go to the bathroom one last time.

If you know Tyler, you know this is not his usual response to any question aside from "do you want ice cream?" But his first morning of Nursery School he was as giddy as could be - it was finally his turn.

It's funny how things change and how different your own kids can be. Ella and Drew are still nervous about going to school. And I still worry about them while they are gone. But, Ty...he is awesome, no worries. No looking back, no stopping for a hug, no asking how long he has to stay - he loves it.

He is so proud of himself, and Im so proud of him. I have to admit that I hugged baby Colby a little tighter after I dropped him off...how do they grow up so fast?

Just Like That

2011-09-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

I saw the pumpkins at the grocery store last week - but I paid no mind. You see I was heading to the beach to soak in that late summer sun. I wasn't going to let summer go without a good fight.

Mother Nature is no match for me.

Fall has arrived with brisk, crisp mornings, hot cups of tea and slippered feet.

Hooded sweatshirts are pulled from the back of the drawer and the ease of sandals are traded for tugging on socks and tying laces.

I need to mourn for a minute, just a day or two.

Then Ill be ready to apple pick and pumpkin carve with the best of them.

This Moment:: Sunday Morning

2011-09-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

Paradise

2011-09-15T06:18:00.000-07:00

I stayed up late last night, too late, working on a project for this little blog. It was a slide show of my favorite beach images from the summer put to the Zac Brown & Jimmy Buffett song, Knee Deep. The problem is every time I export it out of Iphoto, the quality is so compromised that I can't stand it. Not for pictures I love so much. So you will have to trust me that the photos are good :)

The song sums it up so well for me. This summer, especially, held a lot of tense and stressful times for us - what with uprooting our lives and all. But every time I went to the beach - any beach - I was transformed. As soon as I walk across the boardwalk or through the dunes, something happens to me and it is awesome.

Yesterday was the ultimate beach day. Saquish, oh Saquish. 30 minutes from our house, and 20 minutes of that drive is on a beach. An adventure that makes you feel lucky and blessed as soon as you switch into 4 wheel drive. We pulled onto the sand at the highest of high tides, barely room to drive. But within 45 minutes the tide receded as if to welcome us and then revealed long stretches of soft sandbars and warm tidal pools. There were no other cars in sight and one lone couple so far away I hardly noticed them at all. We splashed, explored, collected, ran, dug, and lounged. We thought of nothing else but that moment. We soaked in the sun, the blue sky, and the expanse of an ocean horizon.

Paradise.

Although it is hard to see small, the quality is better - if you blow it up big screen, you have to deal with the fuzziness :( Sad for you, but this little video is going to carry me straight through the winter!

Remembering

2011-09-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

There will always be something missing in this picture.

The world changed 10 years ago today.

Im still learning the lessons and I still feel the fear.

I had just moved to NYC. I was way up in Washington Heights when it happened, watching on tv it didn't seem possible that I was so close. Standing in the middle of Broadway I watched the cloud of dust rise into the sky. I remember the quiet of the streets, the piercing sounds of the sirens. The helicopters and the jets overhead. I remember relief when I saw his face as he walked up the street hours later.

We all have a story from that day and we are obligated to keep telling the story. Because when we do we ensure that the suffering and the sacrifice were not in vain. In our stories heros are honored.

This Moment :: The Mayflower

2011-09-09T09:55:00.000-07:00

Rain Rain Go Away

2011-09-08T07:10:00.000-07:00

It has been raining, pouring actually, for 3 days straight. The kind of rain that soaks your hair by the time you get from the house to the car.

I can't find the box with the raincoats and rain boots. Im sure by the time I do, the sun will be back. Although it is September and school has started, Im not quite ready to give up on summer. We may be wearing jeans and sweatshirts today, but Im hoping for a few more days of shorts & tees to come.

I need a gradual change, I think.

The last time it rained my Dad gathered the kids and their umbrellas and went for a walk. The kids thought he was a superhero for the suggestion, I thought they were crazy.

They were gone for 45 minutes, just long enough for me to worry.

I snapped this picture from the comfort of the dry house with towels ready and a smile.

Most times it is the simple things, a walk in the rain, that make the days special.

My Girl

2011-09-07T06:18:00.000-07:00

I know my kids. I know them better than anyone. I can tell you exactly what they'll do, when they'll do it and how they will react. I know what to say to calm them down, to encourage them to do something, or to stop whatever they are doing.

Well, at least I used to.

That's the hard part about kids growing up. One day you are forced to realize that they are their own people. No matter how much they are like you - they aren't you. They will do things differently and feel differently and think differently.

And it is beautiful to watch.

Ella is my girl. She is a lot like me. She is competitive, caring, independent, and can argue like a lawyer. But she is different too. And more than any of my other kids, she surprises me.

Most nights when I think back on the day, I am in total awe of her. I wonder how our relationship will grow and change, a momma and her only girl.

She was scared to go to Kindergarten, I know she was. But she never cried, not a tear the night before, not a sob into my shoulder while she was getting dressed, and not even a quiver of the lip as she climbed the steps onto the bus. To say that I was shocked is an understatement.

I guessed wrong and she showed me. I know it won't be the last time.

And I learned a lesson, I won't underestimate her again.

It was another day I was filled to the tippity top with pride and awe and wonder of my girl.

Then & Now

2011-09-06T06:39:00.000-07:00

Yesterday::

And Today::

That is how it happened, and that is how Ill remember it. One day they were little babies and the next off to Kindergarten.

Sometimes I think it is easier to be the one who leaves. Ella and Drew are in school, busy, playing, laughing, meeting new friends. Mike is at a new job, figuring it out, learning, making new friends.

And here I am, sick to my stomach. Wondering. Waiting. Are they ok?

Im sure they are, but I would feel better if I could see them.

Maybe we will go peek in some windows....what else are we going to do?!

Beach Blanket Bingo

2011-09-05T09:01:00.000-07:00

It is hard to deny the draw of the beach. A feast for the senses that both excites and relaxes at the same time. One of the many reasons we moved, instead of hours we now measure our distance to the shore in minutes.

The first stop - driving onto the beach. It was a literal drive down memory lane for me as we bumped along the shore of Duxbury beach following the car of my childhood friend. We settled into our chairs and as our kids played together we remembered doing the same so many years ago.

Next stop, the Spit. An awesome beach reached only by boat. Uncle Mark and Auntie Teri treated us to a day straight out of the picture books. As if a boat ride isn't fun enough, there was soft sand, gentle waves lapping the shore and buckets of hermit crabs to be found.

We can certainly get used to this.

Anybody Home?!

2011-09-02T07:07:00.000-07:00

It feels a little daunting to come back to the blog after so much time away...where do I start?!

But just know this::

I have my computer back.

I have TONS of pictures to share.

We survived the hurricane (thanks to our head lamps)!

New school and new jobs start on Tuesday!

Let's start fresh next week, shall we?

Summer Fun

2011-08-18T06:40:00.000-07:00

That's me and my daredevil Tyler at the boardwalk in NJ.

I haven't laughed that hard in awhile.

I love having kids :)

{Belated} Birthday Boy

2011-08-17T06:25:00.000-07:00

I took these pictures while blueberry picking a few days before Colby's 1st Birthday. He was walking all over the fields, bucket in hand like he owned the place. At first, I was carefully breaking the berries in half and feeding him one at a time - because he is a baby and all.

But, he quickly learned to pick the berries and shove them in his mouth - green, blue, stems, leaves - no matter.

Before long he figured out it was more efficient to find a big brother or sister and steal a handful from their buckets.

This is who Colby is.

He is fiercely independent, determined, and brave. He is a dancing, ball throwing, hair pulling, hugging machine. We all adore him and continue to fight over who gets to hug him first, or make him laugh, or bring him a toy.

As an infant he melted into our hearts with his quick smiles and easy going personality. Now he has us all wrapped around his little fingers and he knows it.

Happy Birthday Colby!

You have brought us so much joy and love this year...xoxo

Moving on Up:: Part 3

2011-08-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

"Sounds good. Im in."

In the 15 years we have been together, I never loved Mike more than in that moment.

It wasn't because he agreed with my plan. It wasn't because he was making good on a promise (made before our wedding) to move to Boston one day. I fell more in love with him because I was so proud of his courage. What we were proposing was no easy way out. Mike was planning to leave a job and a career that he spent 11 years investing in. He built a solid reputation for himself, sought out, fought for and excelled in every opportunity he could find. He had a good title, a better than good salary - a lot to walk away from. He was agreeing to move from his home, where he grew up and where he feels comfortable. And he was going to leave his family - the sadness of that is something I can't put into words, but know the feeling oh so well.

But still, he wanted to try. And over the next few weeks as the details started to fall into place, he was excited. He turned to me in the car one day as we drove and talked - and he looked positively giddy. I remembered what my husband looked like happy, excited, and hopeful.

We are both nervous, very nervous. I think that is ok. Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone to learn, grow, and achieve something bigger. And we have learned in our marriage that the tougher the times, the closer we become.

We have moved into my parents house, temporarily. He starts a new job in a few weeks. The kids start Kindergarten. I am getting my real estate license (did you see that pig just fly by?!).

Im excited for us and Im super proud of us.

So, there is no ending to this story, only more beginnings.

Moving on Up:: Part 2

2011-08-11T07:35:00.000-07:00

2 AM. My eyes shifted from the clock to the white ceiling and I squirmed under the blanket of sadness that spread from my toes to my nose. I knew we were both unhappy, but the thought of us living unhappily was the worst part of all. I don't live unhappy - I make my life happy.

But this time I didn't think I could. The only option I saw was to go back to work. To free my husband from the breadwinner role so that he could follow his dreams...or at least have a moment to figure out what those dreams were. And then we could move away from the city and we would all be happier. But, the thought of going to work knocked the wind out of me. No one was going to raise my babies but me. And the tears started again.

And then I stopped. I stopped wallowing in the "poor me." I stopped feeling bad and hopeless and defeated. I remembered that I have always done exactly what I wanted. That a happy, fulfilling life was there for the taking and no one was just going to hand it to us.

I stopped wallowing and started planning. We have a purpose - to enjoy each other, our family, and to raise our kids the best we can. Simple. Now it was time to pattern our life for that purpose. To live a purposeful life. I spent the next hour or so thinking about just what we needed, what we wanted, and what we could do without. We would no longer be dragged along behind a life we didn't want - we would be taking back the steering wheel.

I didn't plan for perfect, I planned for hope. The hope that with change we would be happier.

The heavy blanket of sadness gone, I fell asleep giddy with the anticipation of sharing my nighttime revelations with Mike.

are you bored yet? there is more to come tomorrow...

Moving on Up:: Part 1

2011-08-10T04:52:00.000-07:00

It doesn't happen overnight. You don't go to bed one night as happy as a Lark and then wake up miserable. No, it is a gradual build up of little things that just aren't quite right. And don't get me wrong, Im the master of looking on the bright side. In a funk, I do as my mother always taught me and I change the channel. I think of all the amazing things in my life. I gain perspective and it feels good. But, this time, way down deep was the feeling, the knowing, that our life wasn't what I wanted.

And in a twisted sort of way I was lucky, because my husband felt the exact same way. So, although the feeling of being in a quicksand pit of unhappiness didn't arrive overnight, our decision to do something about it sort of did.

Mike hated his job. It made him miserable. It sucked the energy out of him like a Hoover set to turbo - all he wanted was to enjoy our kids, and me, and life - but once he finished a job that he despised and the commute from Hell, he was drained. Nothing left.

I didn't want an unhappy and exhausted husband. And I didn't want to be where we were. I wanted more for my kids. To play outside with space, with woods, with bike rides whenever they wanted. I dreaded the school they were entering, big time. I told myself it would be ok, but really I wanted to grab them and run. I wanted my family. My 2 grandmothers, my parents....I wanted out.

The miserableness, the stuck feeling, the helplessness piled up and hit us like a mack truck one weekend. We cried and felt sorry for ourselves. How could we move to more space if it meant a longer commute? How could we move to Mass if it meant quitting a good job and moving to no job? We went to bed defeated wondering how to build the life we wanted, the one that seemed impossible to attain.

Part 2 to come.....

ps. Happy Birthday to my adorable baby Colby today!! I can't write a birthday post with no pictures, but as soon as I get my own computer back I will honor his birthday blog style :) xoxo Baby boy!

Big News!!

2011-08-09T07:46:00.000-07:00

We moved!! We did it!!

Want to hear about it?

Come back tomorrow....Im working on the story...it's a big one :)

photo found here

This Moment

2011-07-29T05:24:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Great Idea from SouleMama

Zoo Camp

2011-07-26T06:02:00.000-07:00

Before I had kids I was steadfast that summer camp in unnecessary. I still think it is a little silly, especially if one parent stays home. There is so much to do in summer, why not enjoy it with the kids?!

Then we became members of our favorite little local zoo 3 years ago. In the first members brochure I saw it:: ZOO CAMP. Starting at age 5, just one week of mornings, $100 a kid. I decided that day, when they were 2.5 that they would attend.

So, they did! Along with their cousin Joey they went to Zoo Camp last week. Each day they entered the zoo before opening. They covered different types of animals (reptiles, birds, mammals, etc), toured the zoo, touched animals, played camp games and had snack.

They loved it! All afternoon our conversations were filled with fun facts.
"Mom, did you know that a Toucan tosses his food in the air, catches it, then eats it?"
"Mom, a girl condor has a little stripe on her neck, but not the boy"

It was all I could do to not sign up for the Junior Zoo Keeper camp myself.
Who says we can't live vicariously through our kids?!

Sisters

2011-07-25T15:35:00.000-07:00

15 years ago this Fall, I barely had one foot in New Jersey when I was tackled.

I had made the voyage to the Garden State for the first time with my new boyfriend/eventual husband. He was to introduce me to his family and I was nervous.

But my nerves were knocked out of me by a bear hug before I even stepped over the threshold.

Melissa, full of energy and barely a teenager, was the first to greet me and I felt welcome immediately.

It is hard not to smile when you are with Meliss.

And everyone laughs at least once.

And watching my husband with her made me fall in love with him even more.

And now watching my kids love her, well that just seals the deal.

We are all lucky to know her and love her and be loved by her.

(and even luckier that she is a teacher and hangs with us all summer!!)

This Moment

2011-07-22T04:13:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Great Idea from SouleMama

Baby Boy

2011-07-21T03:35:00.000-07:00

Did I forget to mention my baby boy Colby turned 11 months a few weeks ago?

He is always eating. Always. As a result his face is always messy - why keep wiping if he is still eating?

He'll have whatever your having. Chicken, fish, steak, veggies and of course fruit galore. Baby food now comes in squeezable little pouches - he starts sucking and doesn't stop until it is empty!

And don't even think about eating ice cream in front of him without sharing!

As soon as the music starts he dances. He waves his hands in the air like he just don't care! Except he always stops to check if your watching...my boy likes an audience. He also slaps his belly and knees to help with the beat. We love it.

He is OBSESSED with dogs. He chases them (at a sadly slow pace) shouting his attempt at "dog!" He also says "woof woof." We are working on patting gently, as his petting style is currently the "grab a handful of fur and don't let go" method. Thank goodness we have a plethora of nice doggies around. In fact, the kids have been around so many dogs this summer, they started treating Colby like a puppy.

"Come here boy!"

"Sit, Colby, sit!"

And yes, he is a full fledged walker now!

Big Brother Awards

2011-07-19T19:04:00.000-07:00

When you love someone this much, you squeeze them with every opportunity, and plant big fat juicy kisses on whatever body part is in reach.

And if you were able to choose your big brother, you wouldn't do better than Drew.

He is patient, thoughtful, loving and above all else - kind.

And as much as Colby loves Drew....Drew loves Colby right back.

This is the stuff that makes being a mom so kick ass (excuse my language Nana).

Here we go...

2011-07-18T04:55:00.000-07:00

Ella:: Mom, can I have one of those bathing suits McKenzie has? The one that looks like underwear and then the other part looks like the thing you wear when you're feeding Colby?

Me:: A bikini?

Ella:: Yeah, that. Can I have one?

The conversation kept going, but my chest tightened and I immediately saw the road ahead of Ella and I. The one where she grows up despite my best efforts to keep her my little girl forever. I don't want her to know what a bikini is, never mind want one. And Im well aware that my ignoring conversations, or avoiding teaching moments isn't helping her...or keeping her little. Exhibit B::

Ella:: Oh, they look like those things you have. You know the things that kind of pop out when you feed Colby?

Me (after mentally forcing myself to not change the conversation):: Ella, those are called Boobies or Breasts.

Ella (as she rolls her eyes on the way out of the room):: I know that Mom.

Im a little sad tonight thinking about how my little girl is going to change and grow. Leaving her braids behind for makeup and heels. But Im a little excited too...looking forward to talking as friends...if I do it right :)

Wish us luck!

This Moment

2011-07-15T05:23:00.000-07:00

{this moment} - A Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

Great Idea from SouleMama