How you doin'?!

This week I have fielded many questions about how I feel. It is an uncomfortable question for me, because I don't like to complain. I'd rather lie. I'd rather say, "Im doing great!" than "I feel like an Elephant is sitting on my bladder, a full bladder." The other problem, with my problem, is that people really don't want to hear about bladder, kidney or peeing issues. So when I do answer truthfully I get awkward looks and embarrassed stammers.

In case you really do want to know, keep reading, otherwise I'll see you tomorrow.

A few weeks ago blood showed up where it shouldn't. After lots of explaining to 4-yr-olds why I pee in cups and a relaxing trip for an ultrasound by myself - I found out I have a kidney stone. I was sent home with the hope that it would pass on it's own. At the time it felt like a rope was tied extra tight around my lower stomach.

Then Saturday night, the pain started. The kind of pain you read about. I have broken my leg, broken teeth and had exposed roots hanging out of my mouth, had numerous root canals, thrown up continually after a tonsillectomy, and birthed 3 children - including twins. I have never, ever, ever experienced pain like this. Over the 4 days in the hospital there were times when I felt as if I was watching this happen to someone else. I had no control over my body, thrashing around in the bed. I begged for more shots of morphine. I begged my husband to hit me over the head to knock me out.

Turns out when you are pregnant there is little you can do for a kidney stone.

So, we finally agreed to a CAT scan and a surgical procedure to hopefully remove the stone and/or add a stent to prevent my kidney from becoming infected and to eliminate the pain. A tough, nerve racking, heart wrenching decision. Would it harm my new baby boy? If I didn't do the scan and procedure would the pain cause me to go into labor? How long could I take copious amounts of pain killers hoping the stone would pass? I thought for sure that no matter the pain, I would/could endure it for my baby. It wasn't even an option. It just wasn't possible. Even writing that now, I feel in my heart that I failed, but rationally I know I did all I could.

They were not able to remove the stone, it is far too large - twice the size of the opening it needs to pass through. The stent is in and will need to be replaced at least once, maybe twice before I deliver the baby. And then surgery a few weeks after the baby is born to remove both stent and stone. More anesthesia, more uncomfortableness- but no pain and a healthy baby.

Keep your fingers crossed that I pass the stone so they can remove the stent and we can be done. But most importantly say a prayer that my baby comes out perfectly healthy and happy.