Littles

I love to think about all the little things that make up my days...my life. I truly believe that in appreciating and noticing the little moments, I come to enjoy my life even more. As an added bonus, when I think this way, even the tough times seem to go by so quickly - just a moment.

Drew rescued this butterfly from a puddle and the kids took turns holding it so gently. For a moment we didn't feel the rain. We all focused on this tiny beautiful life. And my little kids had a moment of feeling so big in world.

And of course there is this little. So little and smooshy that he doesn't even care that his neck bends sideways. So little and cute that all of us can't help kissing and loving him all day. So little and amazing that you remember how awesome life is, no matter what else is going on.

ps. the moment I can't get past is that my camera flash is broken. It is seriously ruining the savouring and sharing of some great moments. You'll have to bear with my indoor shots, and the kids moving shots, and well - most of the pictures until I figure something out.

Welcome Wagon

The kids have welcomed Colby with open arms and open hearts. They love him already, you can just feel it when they look at him.

On Colby's first night home, Drew was going up the stairs to bed. He stopped, came back, and kissed Colby on the head. Then he said, "Good Night, Colby. I hope you like it here."

How could he not?!

Passing the Time

From my lack of posts, it may seem as though I just don't have time, what with a newborn and all. But, that isn't the case. I think I feel totally content in my own little world, with my own little family - and haven't felt the need to reach out.

I know Colby is my last baby. Even if the urge should strike, it isn't going to happen. So, Im savoring him. Im soaking in every last drop of his newborn, wrinkly, grunting self. I don't offer to have other people hold him. No one else has changed his diaper or dressed him.

He is mine, you see. All mine.

I know it won't last. Soon he will be passed around like a football. He'll get bigger and resist being held. He'll be curious about what the other kids are doing and he will strain his little neck to look away from me.

So, instead of writing on here, or posting pictures, I sit on the couch and snuggle my little peanut. I drink in every moment that his little head rests perfectly under my chin. After the other kids are in bed I rescue him from his little cocoon/bassinet and let him curl his tiny body onto my chest.

It is heaven, I tell you - pure heaven.

So excuse my lack of posting. But rest assured that it isn't because Im running around like crazy breaking up fights, cleaning up potty training accidents, and climbing out from under a mountain of laundry - all while breast feeding and rocking baby Colby....

...Oh, wait...

Welcome Colby

Colby Gerard Dargan

8-10-10

6 lbs. 15 oz.

19.5 inches long

I know you have waited a long time for the update! Video today and birth story to come soon.

Not Yet

Did I leave you hanging on the edge of your seat?

Nope, no Baby - not today!!

Looks like maybe tomorrow...8-10-10 that's a pretty great birthday!

6 years

6 years...

3 houses....

3, almost 4 babies...

Just keeps getting better.

Waiting

They said he would be early.

Most bet by two weeks.

They were wrong, Im still pregnant. The most pregnant I've ever been in fact, since Ella and Drew were 2.5 weeks early and Tyler was one week early. Only 6 days left until my due date.

Every cramp, contraction, and twinge makes me wonder if labor is starting. Mom made it here, so Im ready. Although Id like to make it through the weekend, no kidney stone procedures will be happening on the weekend. Im trying to avoid coming home with the baby and then leaving him here as I attend to pre-surgery testing and then back to the hospital for the last surgery - all in his first little week of life.

So here is to Monday. The day I had picked months ago anyway - his birthday will be 8-9-10...how cool is that. And mine is 9-10 and Ella and Drew are 12-13. I think that would be perfect.

As if I can control any of it.

Diapers and Guilt

This was Tyler last year, "just tretrending." I love the way they mispronounce words. Anyway, I got to thinking yesterday that I haven't changed a diaper in 2 weeks. After changing diapers every day for 4 1/2 years, that seems significant. Until I remind myself that I have another 2 1/2 years that will start soon...oh well. By the by, Tyler is doing fantastic. My little independent boy.

So, yesterday some fellow moms and I got to talking about Mommy Guilt. How you always wonder if you are doing enough or if you are doing too much. If you are raising good kids. For me it hits the hardest when I lay down on my pillow at night. I replay all the scenes of the day where I was called upon to discipline, make a call, protect, encourage, or even just listen. I wonder if I gave them what they needed. If I missed any opportunities to teach, love, or empower. In the dark of my room I focus on all I did wrong, on all I missed and I silently berate myself for failing my kids. I know that I can do better.

When the sun is up, my rational mind returns. I know that I can do better - can't we all? But I also know that Im not 1/2 bad. That my kids are awesome and Im a little bit responsible for that. I remind myself that Ella needs some extra positive attention, that Drew needs a chance to talk, and that Tyler needs a spanking. Kidding...But today is a new day, an awesome day to spend with my awesome kids. Where the only objective is to love them.

How can that be wrong?

Reunited

Im looking forward to a replay of these scenes (although Im sure in August Mike won't be wearing what turned into the birth sweater). The "Mike and Nancy" show during delivery is really something to be a part of. They effortlessly take the focus off of the awkwardness of the birthing room. They celebrate the baby with a shared joy, excitement and love. They laugh at me. They love me. I wouldn't want to do it without them.

The question is....will she make it?

I have my doubts this time around. She was already on the train on her way here when I went into labor with Tyler.

Will we be so lucky this time?

This and That

Yesterday I found myself singing along to the radio with a big smile. I realized that I felt good. Physically not much has changed, except maybe another inch or two around the belly and some extra pressure - but mentally....oh, mentally everything is different. When I was looking at 20 weeks to go, 10 weeks to go, even 4 weeks to go - it felt like forever. No end in site. But now, just a mere 9 days from my due date and the final surgery to get rid of the kidney stone...well, now I see the finish line. And it looks oh so good. I can do it. Even better, I feel like I already did.

Tyler got his hand stuck in the elevator at the hotel this past this weekend. He is fine. I just keep thinking back to the way I panicked. I was screaming for help...screaming! So not me. We have been through quite a few nasty injuries with these kids and I always stay so calm. I can't figure out what happened

The kids have been playing so well together. Pirates are a big theme, along with the ever popular "mommy/daddy" game. They love to make up silly words and soon the backseat is filled with that crazy belly laugh that only siblings can bring on. I still remember sitting with my brothers in the backseat saying "Fat Mailbox" to make each other double over with the giggles.

Speaking of the car - the 4th car seat is installed, so I guess we are officially ready for this baby. The kids are so excited over the car seat arrangements. Mainly because they are taking turns sitting solo in the 3rd row. Who knew that would be such a novelty?! Tyler loves that the baby seat is next to his seat and he repeatedly asks for "baby come out NOW!" Any day, buddy, any day.

ps. this post brought to you by Tyler's photo shoot - in the very bright sun.

What a Weekend!!

Oh, wow - we had fun this past weekend at my cousin's wedding. Tower Hill Gardens was the perfect setting for a beautiful wedding, for the kids to play, and to enjoy the company of family. Although being a bit uncomfortable makes me feel less social than normal - just being together was fantastic!
My cousin looked unbelievably amazing. I can't believe she is the little girl whose hair I used to braid on school picture days. My Dad did a great job officiating the ceremony - made me wonder why everyone doesn't chose a family member to add a personal, special touch to their wedding. The kids did a fantastic job walking the aisle and performing their duties. When introduced at the reception Drew did an awesome spin-jump garnering a round of applause and a few "Woo Hoo's!" Then they proceeded to dance until they fell into their chairs in a sleepy stupor.
Ill be looking for more pictures from other guests at the wedding. My camera is on the fritz, so lots of my pictures came out blurry or too dark. With the new guy arriving soon, I need to fix that!