It all started when they were infants. It is beyond exciting, ridiculous really, the charge you get when your little baby smiles for the first time or starts to sit up. And for me at least, there was also a little pang of sadness because achieving that milestone means they are growing up. The realization hits that you can never go back to swaddling, nursing, or rocking them to sleep in your arms. And just as that sucker punch of a thought knocks the wind out of you, your baby does another amazing feat for the first time and you are rocketed back to the overwhelming joy of parenthood. Seesaw, seesaw. Up, down. Up, down.
Im realizing now that those early milestones, albeit exciting and memorable, pale in comparison to what is happening now. Because now my babies are little people whose hopes, fears, and deepest wishes I know better than my own. And now they invest in their own milestones and practice and dream about them at night. So when she finally gets on that high bar my heart is in my throat. I know she is a little scared and that she would be mortified if she messed up. And when she jumps down with a proud smile, her eyes seek out mine in the sea of excited parents and camera lenses. The seesaw picks up right where it left off. Im so proud and excited, and a little shocked that my baby is big enough to do what she just did.
If you see me around town in the next few weeks, ignore my frazzled look. My babies are growing fast and Im trying to hang on for the ride.