Out & About

10 Minutes in the car.
And we can smell it as soon as we get out.

We catch a glimpse as we head down the big grassy hill. Their little feet bound quicker than I think possible as the little baby points from my back. The sweet, salty air floats upward and we greet it enthusiastically.

Into the winter wood we go. Barren trees, muddy moats, tiny chunks of ice reminding us of how the weather should be. We skip past giddy with the surprising warmth, anxious to meet our reward.

We burst from the wood and pause to take it all in.
The marsh, the river, the ocean just beyond.

We linger until it is almost dark. Finally leaving after soaking up our fill, content to know we will be back soon.

On My Mind...

 :: We are missing a 3rd Birthday in New Jersey this weekend. I hate that, mostly because I love Birthdays. I love celebrating a life, I do, especially one as cute as this guy. And the Dargans always have fun when we get together :)

:: I've worked 6 days in a row now. Luckily not for many hours each day, but I've had to leave them and they know it. I have such mixed feelings about working...but then again, who doesn't?!

:: I laced 3 pairs of skates today and everyone (but Colby) smiled for one hour straight. It was one of those "Im so lucky because my kids are so awesome" moments.

:: The two boys got hurt at the rink, after they got off the ice...why does that feel so typical for us?!

:: We are approaching a major clean up around here. The mess seems to happen so suddenly. My father is calling the Health Department on my car, Im afraid a kid will get lost in the pile of laundry, and there are toys scattered everywhere...

:: There are cousins coming this weekend and the excitement is nearly palpable!

Tea Time

Picture is totally unrelated to blog...I just like it :)

Tis tea season again. The time of year when a hot cup of tea cradled in my hands brings me a few minutes of comfort and hopefully quiet! 

Here is a list of things I can do while waiting for the kettle to whistle....

*Check on sleeping babies kids and marvel for a minute

*Finish the box of chocolates and hide the evidence

*Pick up a random assortment of items from the floor - why were they playing with a comb?! 

*Wash a sink full of dishes

*Switch the laundry

*Get them started on a project that hopefully lasts as long as my cup of tea

*Stare absentmindedly out the window

It is amazing how taking a few minutes to settle down can recharge me for another round! 

Settle Down

Sometimes I need to take a minute to settle down. Hunker down on the couch with a cup of tea. Or better yet - hit the road and get outside with my kids. The days are zooming by as they always do this time of year. And this year more than ever Im longing to just settle it down for a minute.

I miss my kids more than I ever have. I knew that I would once they started school - but with moving and me working, I miss them more than I expected. When we are all home it is tough to get in a good conversation. But when we are out...oh, I could listen to them talk all day.

I already feel a New Year's Resolution coming...it is brewing away. But in the meantime, Ill take what I can get. Ill remember to take a minute each day to just simmer down. And an extra minute each day to snuggle them tight.

Inspire

Who inspires you? 

It is easy to imagine how you might react or handle a situation that you have never lived through. You picture yourself strong facing adversity like a prize fighter. Or maybe you imagine yourself curled in the fetal position under a blanket hiding from the world. 

Hopefully you'll never know. 

This year I have looked at the faces of people I love who found out. They lived lessons that challenged every fiber in their body. They stood up, they held it together, they carried on. 

I was inspired and I still am. 

Wah Wah

Today was one of those days. 

The bookstore didn't have the train table that I promised. And I wouldn't buy the book he whined and cried for. (Im mean like that)

My Venti Green Tea Unsweetened (that I shouldn't be buying) spilled after my 4th sip. 

I missed the bus and my neighbor had to claim my children (again). 

No one liked lunch. 

The playground wasn't fun. 

The hike was too muddy. 

The glass on the beach was too sharp & I wouldn't let them collect it. 

The baby fell and has a huge bump on his forehead, just in time to meet the new pediatrician tomorrow. 

No one liked dinner. 

And those are the least of our worries. 

So what to do? 

The only thing I know how to do. Plan for a better day tomorrow and try to remember what I loved about today. 

I'd tell you, but the list would be too long....

Need

Sometimes I need them all to myself.  

I had the car packed when I picked them up from school - my tires may have squeeled as I pulled out of the parking lot. We pulled up to the bottom of the trail and chose a route going straight to the top. In three steps I knew this was exactly what I needed. I took over a hundred photos, because I knew that my own eyes and memory wouldn't do this day justice. And that a few pictures flipped through in the coming months and years could bring me right back.

Her braids.

The pine needle carpet.

His sticky fingers on my neck. 

The bubbly brook so cold on our fingers.

The way he warned me about the slippery rocks.

The yellows, oranges, and occasional reds. 

 How he sticks close to chat about school. 

When the days get crazy and filled up, I need to remember to steal my kids away. 

Sometimes all I need is them.

For Inspiration

There is a lot going on over here. We have licensing exams, orientations, new jobs...and then there is the whole business of settling into someone else's home and starting new schools.

Our old routines never made it into the moving boxes. Funny how when days were so monotonous, I longed for something different and now that each day is so unique, Im grasping for routine. Just when I start to wonder if we made the right choice, I look at my kids.

They are doing awesome. They are happier than they have ever been. They are more confident than they have ever been. They are flexible where they used to be rigid. They have more than adjusted, they are thriving.

And once I again I remember that the greatest lessons in parenting are the ones they are teaching me. Not knowing the sequence or schedule on the calendar isn't just because they haven't learned it yet - but because they are living in the now. This moment, this day is what matters to them. They aren't lamenting over what we have left behind or the way things used to be. They aren't worried about what will happen tomorrow, months from now, or in the coming year.

They can sit in the driveway and watch to see which animal eats the spilled cereal first. They can ride scooters and challenge themselves to do new tricks. They can sit and snuggle, relishing in the closeness of someone who loves them. They can go to bed each night exhausted from soaking up each and every moment.

And Im inspired to do the same.

Affirmations

There are lots of moments everyday where I am not the best mom in the whole world. Times where even as they are happening I know I am being impatient or a little snappy or just plain missing a perfect learning opportunity. I sometimes look the other way when I should be intervening or shrug my shoulders instead of looking in their eyes and answering.

Not something Im proud to admit, although I know none of us are perfect. So when a moment comes along where something good is happening, I eat it up. Full on belly to the table slurping with a spoon - I acknowledge the little affirmations that my kids are awesome despite my imperfections and perhaps because of something I do manage to do right.

Like when they push each other on the swings. Or tell the story of checking on the other on the bus. Or when one makes sure to bring home the same for everyone. Sometimes it is as simple as pausing and noticing that they are happy. And as I soak it in I remember that it isn't the perfect little moments that they will remember or that will ultimately make them be whoever they will be - being loved is the key and I know I do that right.

Are you Happy Mommy?

Ella asks me this several times a day. I answer pretty much the same every time - "Oh, yes I am happy! I love to be with you guys and the day is beautiful..." yada yada yada. But Im usually preoccupied with something else.
The other day I read a post over at this blog that started me thinking. Then I watched the 99 Balloons video (google it if you haven't seen it yet). Each day is filled with so many moments to be happy, but I think I waste a lot of them.
I waste moments worrying about silly things like what to wear and what to cook. I waste moments cleaning (although some could argue not enough!) when my kids want to play. I waste moments rushing kids up the stairs, into the car, and out of the bath. I waste moments cleaning up dinner while they still sit and talk. I waste a lot of moments making lists of what to do next instead of doing now. None of these things makes me happy. I truly want to model how to live happily, simply, and purposefully for my kids. To stop, listen, and enjoy. So, Ella if you are reading this someday - Yes, I am happy. I am the happiest mommy there ever was and I am going to work on being even happier every day. Now wake up so we can go play.

What's up with the Mums?

Mommy-hood is a strange place to find yourself. If you're not careful you can caught up with the crazies - heck, even if you are careful you can get caught up in it - believe me, I know! The worst part is, you can be one of them and not even realize it!
What am I talking about...Mother's have a strange way of presenting themselves, talking about their lives and their children. They have a unique way of bragging about their little Einsteins latest accomplishment while simultaneously downplaying it and complaining. Confused? Me too! Here is an example:

Mommy J: She is just so verbal and advanced, I had to put her in a preschool program (ahem, we all know it is daycare) with kids older then her. I mean I can't even bring her on play dates with kids her own age because she terrifies them with her outgoing personality and expanded vocabulary. What am I supposed to do?

Me: Get real! Sure she has a great vocabulary and she is adorably precocious, but she isn't scaring her 2-yr-old buddies, she is annoying them by grabbing their stuff, yelling, and being generally mean.

Ok, of course I didn't say that. I probably stammered something like, "Oh it is lucky you found such a great program" while trying to pick my jaw up off the floor and block my kids from a toy her genius is throwing across the room.

Mums also engage in a little "poor me" game that is so contagious they need to develop a vaccine before all mums become miserable!! "Poor me" is so stealth it can also appear as a "my life is harder than yours because" conversation. A blatant, and yes very real, example:

Random Mum at playground: What do you think is harder having twins or 2 really close in age like I did?

Me: Oh, I don't know. I think...

RM: Because I think that it is harder to have 2 close in age like myself because one is always running away while the other is blah...blah...blah.

Other topics can include how late husbands come home, available babysitter pool, kids who don't eat, kids sleeping habits, kids who won't bathe, etc. The key is that the harder you make your life, kids, work appear - the more points you earn.

In all seriousness, this all comes from mommy pride and mommy guilt - 2 real forces that are driving moms all over the place. Let's not forget that we are women and as a rule shouldn't be too proud or have it too easy. Who wants to listen to that? Well, I do. I want to hear how awesome your day was, how lucky you are that your husband comes home early, or that you feel like you are truly enjoying your kids. I want you to have a positive attitude toward your family, so that it will spread to me and to everyone else. I think I am fighting a losing battle, especially because I am guilty of engaging in these ridiculous conversations myself. My mom says it was the same types of conversations when we were younger. Is there hope for us? I think so.

Camera is Back!

My camera has been on the fritz...but it is all better today. I brought it along with us to the park this AM trying to capture the picture. You know the one...where the light is perfect, the expression is exactly how you see it, and it just perfectly captures the moment. Well, as usual I didn't get "THE PIC" but I don't need it. I sat back on the bench with my little guy sleeping with the sun on his feet. Ella was running and singing and Drew waved from the top of the slide. The air was, why as my dad would say, it was spectacular! The sun was out, even the birds were chirping. We were all happy, and why shouldn't we be?! I don't need a picture to remember that.

Random Thoughts

* In case you haven't heard Lehman Brothers declared bankruptcy and the whole financial world was turned upside down. What does this have to do with my kids? Because now their Daddy has been at work for 2 straight days, yes that includes Sunday. What happens when Daddy is at work before they wake up and after they go to bed? We all go crazy.

* Watching the summer Olympics from China this year I was often amazed at the sheer athleticism of the athletes. They always appeared so graceful and made whatever sport -gymnastics, running, swimming - look so easy. I think they should have an amateur compete next to the Olympians just so the viewers at home can see the difference! Watching my 2.5 yr olds running, jumping, climbing, etc I am just amazed that they don't kill themselves. But I also love to watch Drew's quiet determination. And both of them have expressions of pure joy when running as fast as they can (until they fall and scrape their knee...again).

* Tyler is into snuggling, which often looks like tackling and is sometimes coupled with a bite or two. Ella and Drew love it. We were all laughing our way around the supermarket tonight as Ty mauled Drew in the shopping cart.

* I've been going to different parks in town and in neighboring towns in part to find some new local friends. Im finding that there are a lot of grandparents caring for their grandchildren while both parents work. Today I counted 9 kids in the park and I was the only non-grandparent. So, Im taking up Bingo, crocheting, and I signed up for a bus to AC to play the slots. Geesh.