Tuesday, September 23, 2008

What's up with the Mums?

Mommy-hood is a strange place to find yourself. If you're not careful you can caught up with the crazies - heck, even if you are careful you can get caught up in it - believe me, I know! The worst part is, you can be one of them and not even realize it!
What am I talking about...Mother's have a strange way of presenting themselves, talking about their lives and their children. They have a unique way of bragging about their little Einsteins latest accomplishment while simultaneously downplaying it and complaining. Confused? Me too! Here is an example:

Mommy J: She is just so verbal and advanced, I had to put her in a preschool program (ahem, we all know it is daycare) with kids older then her. I mean I can't even bring her on play dates with kids her own age because she terrifies them with her outgoing personality and expanded vocabulary. What am I supposed to do?

Me: Get real! Sure she has a great vocabulary and she is adorably precocious, but she isn't scaring her 2-yr-old buddies, she is annoying them by grabbing their stuff, yelling, and being generally mean.

Ok, of course I didn't say that. I probably stammered something like, "Oh it is lucky you found such a great program" while trying to pick my jaw up off the floor and block my kids from a toy her genius is throwing across the room.

Mums also engage in a little "poor me" game that is so contagious they need to develop a vaccine before all mums become miserable!! "Poor me" is so stealth it can also appear as a "my life is harder than yours because" conversation. A blatant, and yes very real, example:

Random Mum at playground: What do you think is harder having twins or 2 really close in age like I did?

Me: Oh, I don't know. I think...

RM: Because I think that it is harder to have 2 close in age like myself because one is always running away while the other is blah...blah...blah.

Other topics can include how late husbands come home, available babysitter pool, kids who don't eat, kids sleeping habits, kids who won't bathe, etc. The key is that the harder you make your life, kids, work appear - the more points you earn.

In all seriousness, this all comes from mommy pride and mommy guilt - 2 real forces that are driving moms all over the place. Let's not forget that we are women and as a rule shouldn't be too proud or have it too easy. Who wants to listen to that? Well, I do. I want to hear how awesome your day was, how lucky you are that your husband comes home early, or that you feel like you are truly enjoying your kids. I want you to have a positive attitude toward your family, so that it will spread to me and to everyone else. I think I am fighting a losing battle, especially because I am guilty of engaging in these ridiculous conversations myself. My mom says it was the same types of conversations when we were younger. Is there hope for us? I think so.


Anonymous said...

Hi Lauren, just wanted to say thanks--whenever I read your blog I'm reminded of what a great blessing it is to be a parent. I'm really lucky to be able to work only 4 days a week so I can spend a day with Nathan. I certainly wish I could be at home more but even just the one day is more than many parents get. All the little things that you observe in your kids that make you fall in love with them have really taught me to cast the same eye upon my child and marvel at his learning, growth, and personality. Thanks!!
Jason Adler

Dargan Twins said...

Ahh, thanks Jay!! You made me feel all mushy inside, you old softy!