My mother was a waitress for a few years as I was growing up. One of my most vivid memories is driving down the driveway and waving to my mother as she cried in the door - I don't remember which holiday it was, or how many she missed, just that she wanted to be with us so badly. Now I get it.
My little Turkey, Drew, started feeling warm last night and continued to have a fever this morning. So, I found myself waving goodbye to Ella and Mike as they left for Thanksgiving dinner with his family. Although I held the tears back, it was such a horrible feeling and one of those moments where being a mother smacks me right in the face. This tightness in my chest, these tears behind my eyes, this longing, weird indescribable thing is being a mother...and I am so thankful.
Holidays have taken on new meanings and meals often mask the purpose. But, I have shared a few Thanksgivings with people who have reminded me to take pause and appreciate it for what it is. Im not talking reflecting on the pilgrims here, but to truly take stock of what there is to be thankful for. It is all too easy to run down a list of complaints, wishes, and wants - but it takes a little more effort to list the blessings. I'll keep my list to myself, or maybe Ill share it with Drew over our Mac & Cheese this afternoon. One thing is for sure, I am so thankful for the experiences and feelings that I am living every day- even the gut wrenching ones.