Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Moving on Up:: Part 1

It doesn't happen overnight. You don't go to bed one night as happy as a Lark and then wake up miserable. No, it is a gradual build up of little things that just aren't quite right. And don't get me wrong, Im the master of looking on the bright side. In a funk, I do as my mother always taught me and I change the channel. I think of all the amazing things in my life. I gain perspective and it feels good. But, this time, way down deep was the feeling, the knowing, that our life wasn't what I wanted.

And in a twisted sort of way I was lucky, because my husband felt the exact same way. So, although the feeling of being in a quicksand pit of unhappiness didn't arrive overnight, our decision to do something about it sort of did.

Mike hated his job. It made him miserable. It sucked the energy out of him like a Hoover set to turbo - all he wanted was to enjoy our kids, and me, and life - but once he finished a job that he despised and the commute from Hell, he was drained. Nothing left.

I didn't want an unhappy and exhausted husband. And I didn't want to be where we were. I wanted more for my kids. To play outside with space, with woods, with bike rides whenever they wanted. I dreaded the school they were entering, big time. I told myself it would be ok, but really I wanted to grab them and run.  I wanted my family. My 2 grandmothers, my parents....I wanted out.

The miserableness, the stuck feeling, the helplessness piled up and hit us like a mack truck one weekend. We cried and felt sorry for ourselves. How could we move to more space if it meant a longer commute? How could we move to Mass if it meant quitting a good job and moving to no job? We went to bed defeated wondering how to build the life we wanted, the one that seemed impossible to attain.

Part 2 to come.....


ps. Happy Birthday to my adorable baby Colby today!! I can't write a birthday post with no pictures, but as soon as I get my own computer back I will honor his birthday blog style :) xoxo Baby boy!


5 comments:

jan walsh said...

your letter was so touching. Im 60 years old and have never lived away from massachusetts. never lived at college, never had an appartment, went to school, college,got married .
so i can't give you any old wise advice!
you'll be JUST fine!!! your mom was right! there's a whole new show on TV !!! ENJOY IT!!!

Melissa Dargan Heintjes said...

There is nothing that takes precident over happiness... Be with your family enjoy every moment (as you always do:) living a life that your not happy with, with no end in sight isn't going to ever inspire someone as smart and creative as you, go find your dream, follow your bliss... Use your wonderful way with people, your confidence and most of all be who you are, because you are a wonderful person, a gift the world:) the greatest musician to ever live once said "find your inspiration, its down deep inside of you, amend your situation, your whole life is ahead of you" -david J. matthews.

Live, love, laugh, Melissa D.H.<3

kdk said...

So glad that you've begun your journey toward happiness and are back in MA :)

And, of course - Happy Birthday to my adorable godson, Colby!! :) We'll have to take him for some ice cream to celebrate...since I've heard he hasn't had enough ice cream since he's been in MA;)

Shauna said...

The pursuit of happiness is one of our inalienable rights... but so many people forget that! It makes ME happy that you and Mike seized the moment and followed your hearts. Can't wait to read the new Massachusetts adventures of the Dargan Fam!

When's the next DQ run?

Nancy said...

I'm worried! What if they move in with me and decide New Jersey wasn't so bad after all?????

Only kidding . . . we are waiting with open arms. My family has been away too long.

How lucky can we be?