Monday, April 19, 2010

How you doin'?!

This week I have fielded many questions about how I feel. It is an uncomfortable question for me, because I don't like to complain. I'd rather lie. I'd rather say, "Im doing great!" than "I feel like an Elephant is sitting on my bladder, a full bladder." The other problem, with my problem, is that people really don't want to hear about bladder, kidney or peeing issues. So when I do answer truthfully I get awkward looks and embarrassed stammers.

In case you really do want to know, keep reading, otherwise I'll see you tomorrow.

A few weeks ago blood showed up where it shouldn't. After lots of explaining to 4-yr-olds why I pee in cups and a relaxing trip for an ultrasound by myself - I found out I have a kidney stone. I was sent home with the hope that it would pass on it's own. At the time it felt like a rope was tied extra tight around my lower stomach.

Then Saturday night, the pain started. The kind of pain you read about. I have broken my leg, broken teeth and had exposed roots hanging out of my mouth, had numerous root canals, thrown up continually after a tonsillectomy, and birthed 3 children - including twins. I have never, ever, ever experienced pain like this. Over the 4 days in the hospital there were times when I felt as if I was watching this happen to someone else. I had no control over my body, thrashing around in the bed. I begged for more shots of morphine. I begged my husband to hit me over the head to knock me out.

Turns out when you are pregnant there is little you can do for a kidney stone.

So, we finally agreed to a CAT scan and a surgical procedure to hopefully remove the stone and/or add a stent to prevent my kidney from becoming infected and to eliminate the pain. A tough, nerve racking, heart wrenching decision. Would it harm my new baby boy? If I didn't do the scan and procedure would the pain cause me to go into labor? How long could I take copious amounts of pain killers hoping the stone would pass? I thought for sure that no matter the pain, I would/could endure it for my baby. It wasn't even an option. It just wasn't possible. Even writing that now, I feel in my heart that I failed, but rationally I know I did all I could.

They were not able to remove the stone, it is far too large - twice the size of the opening it needs to pass through. The stent is in and will need to be replaced at least once, maybe twice before I deliver the baby. And then surgery a few weeks after the baby is born to remove both stent and stone. More anesthesia, more uncomfortableness- but no pain and a healthy baby.

Keep your fingers crossed that I pass the stone so they can remove the stent and we can be done. But most importantly say a prayer that my baby comes out perfectly healthy and happy.


The Wagner Family said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been going through this! Prayers are being said for you and your baby boy!

AuntieM said...

Oh Lauren,
I wish I was a real Fairy Godmother and I could swish my magic wand and make this all go away. I'm thinking of you and praying for you to feel better. xo

Sarah said...

Lauren, Holy Goodness. I am glad that everything is going well right now. I will and have been thinking about and for you and the babe! Keep positive! It will help you stay health! I'm glad you wrote about it so you can process. Plus anytime you feel down you can think about all of us thinking and praying for you and glow with positivity!!! Sarah

Stacy said...

Oh My Lauren, So sorry you have had to go through this. You did the right thing, all that pain is not good for you or baby. I am sure he is fine, but you and he will be in my thoughts.

kd said...

We're all thinking about you (the two of you) and hoping that the pain (and stone) will go away on there own. Hang in there!!