Wednesday, March 2, 2011
As if cued by an off camera director, Colby started to cry as soon as my head hit the pillow. He stopped when I peered into the crib, although I couldn't make out his facial features I guessed he was smiling. I scooped him up and settled into the rocker.
He pushed off my chest just enough so that we were eye to eye. His dimple appeared as his cheeks made way for that gummy smile. He reached for my nose, I nudged the rocker into an easy rhythm. I smiled back. He gazed around the room interested for a moment in the lights of the clock, the silhouette of the window...but he always came back to my face. His legs curled up, his bottom resting on my forearm and I gently patted his back. Soon his head sunk into my chest, his breathing slowed, and his arms rested heavily on my shoulder. I stayed there for a moment feeling his soft tufts of hair, listening to his breathing, and feeling his size on my body. Back into his crib he sucked contentedly on his pacifier and slept.
As I pulled the covers up and nestled my body against the human heat box aka my husband, I wondered what the experts would say. I shouldn't have picked him up, I shouldn't have made eye contact, much less smiled! I should have placed him back into the crib drowsy, but awake. Im sure the professional sleep consultants would give me a dismal prognosis - he may never sleep through the night!!
But, I don't care. I've learned already that eventually they sleep. That soon they will be too big to nestle against my chest in the rocker. That they will stop gazing at my face with joy and wonder and love. That soon he will be too big to want his mommy in the night. Although I would love a good nights rest for myself, I know that it will soon come.
And then Ill wish for a night or two where in the quiet stillness of the house I can soak in every inch of my baby.
Take that Ferber.