Changes

Four years agotoday we were waiting to take 1 month old Drew home from the hospital. It was a mere 3 weeks after Ella was finally released from the NICU and we were anxious to just have every body home together.

I guess we were just anxious in general.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be a different type of mother if we hadn't gone through 2 hospitalizations in the first month of our twins lives. Im sure of it. I was never the anxious type, or a worrier, or a nervous nelly. But then I had never loved anything so intensely. I had never felt so responsible for anyone. I had never placed the lives of my babies into strangers hands. Waved them off into an OR to be cut open. Literally life or death situations for BOTH my babies in the first month - yikes, how is that for initiation into parenthood?!

So, yeah, I think those experiences changed me. Sometimes I think it was a change for the worse -making me more on edge than I would have liked to be. A little bit more prone to hover over my babies, because I had a smack-in-the-face lesson since day 1 that anything could happen at anytime. But maybe it was for the better, too. I learned that so many of the "little" things were exactly that, little. I learned that babies are so resilient. I learned that I am strong, that I can protect, and that I can advocate for my kids. I learned that my husband is truly the best partner I could have picked, because when we were hit the hardest he was exactly what I, and our kids, needed.

I guess everything in life can change us, and it isn't always so bad.