Thursday, January 22, 2009

Perspective

While at a play group today the conversation turned to a mutual friend (not there) who has 2.5 yr old twins and a 3 month old. My friend said this,
"She has to have her mother come for weeks at a time to help her. She is exhausted and simply can't do it with twins and a newborn. We were talking about you (me) and we both agreed that although your situations seem exactly the same, Ella and Drew are so good it was just easier for you. Her boys just don't behave like that."
Hours later and I am still reeling from this comment.

1. Sure there are many different types of kids out there with all different personalities and temperaments. I understand that. But I also understand that I work hard to ensure that I am raising my kids with some discipline, respect, and social awareness. I am constantly reading up on theories, ideas, and methods to double check my instincts, to ensure that I am doing something right! "He only eats peanut butter and dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets." Are you kidding me? Do you think he was born with taste buds only for these two foods?! Who is giving it to him everyday and giving in?! Of course it is harder to serve something else and stick to your guns - who ever said this was easy? Imagine saying to Michael Phelps, "your so lucky that you are a good swimmer." Luck?! The guy has been in the pool for 20 hours a day for his entire life! Extreme example, but you get the point, right?

2. I am constantly annoyed, discouraged, and saddened that so many conversations amongst mothers is about who has it harder, how difficult their kids are, how much work it is, how they need a break. Somehow making parenting a competition of who has it the worst. These same mothers 20 years from now will wish they could return to this time of having young children to enjoy them. We all chose to be parents. We all love our children. Why don't we spend our time together discussing how funny they are or what new activities we can do with them. I have some new standard responses when others try to rope me into these conversations that are all very nice and blah. I tried one out today and everyone looked at me like I had 2 heads. Im just not doing it anymore. I want my kids to hear how much I love my life with them, because I do. Sure it feels like work sometimes, but there is no better job and I am keenly aware of that.

Parenting is a gift that requires hard work and responsibility but it also results in the greatest rewards.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Amen, Lauren. Nothing annoys me more than when people turn their woes into a competition. Who is the most miserable. Who has it the hardest. And to imagine people pull their CHILDREN into the middle of it! Its astounding to me. Good for you for not feeding into it and great for you for RAISING three beautiful, well-behaved, balanced individuals. Your HARD WORK and DETERMINATION will be rewarded in the end with a happy, healthy lifetime full of memories of actually ENJOYING your time with your children.

--Naomi

Dargan Twins said...

Thanks Naomi - I hate to admit that I love validation! It is these posts that I often hesitate in writing, the ones more about me than my kids. But in the end it feels good to get it out there. Thanks again!

Anonymous said...

Yea for Lauren!!!!

You were always one who could make her own mind up and not be Jedi mind tricked into anything. Stand on your island proudly!!!

Sarah (in Alaska)

Dargan Twins said...

Thanks Sarah - I love having an Alaskan reader - but I will still love you when you move back to the lower states :)