This morning I was up at 6, before anyone else, worrying that I was too hard on Ella last night. Then I wondered if their feet were cold because I put them all to bed with no socks.
When I came downstairs I walked by all the toys, disheveled and unorganized, and berated myself for not keeping them neater. How can they enjoy them if they are a mess?!
Then Tyler woke up and was hungry. (I knew this because he was standing in front of the fridge, pointing and saying, "mama!") Instead of making breakfast for him then and Ella and Drew later, I gave him a graham cracker to hold him over. A graham cracker. At 7 AM. Really, what kind of mother am I?
I could go on and on about my other inadequacies today and it is only 2 PM. But Ill save you the boredom and just skip to the synopsis. Is it really part of motherhood to worry and feel guilty? I have yet to meet a mother who hasn't second guessed herself. Recently my friend cried at the dentist when she was told her 3 year old had cavities. She told me that she "failed" him.
Did our mother's fret this way? Our grandmothers?
Im guessing they probably did. From the moment your baby is born you feel a deep sense of responsibility and an all consuming love. Of course you want everything to be perfect for them.
Hopefully it makes us all better mothers.
Even if they blame us for everything when they grow up.
2 comments:
My mom didn't fret this way though I do. After Thomas recently got burned at the beach I felt horrible! Why do I have to learn the same lesson every year, cloudy does not mean no sunburn at a beach. I asked my mom if she felt this bad everytime we got burned. she looked at me like I was crazy.. 'no, that's just part of summer'
I, too, fall prey to the "if it is slightly cloudy they do not burn" myth. And my mom put baby oil on me at the beach by age 3!!
Maybe as you and your children get older you forget the "fretting" side of motherhood that consumed you when the kids were young...uhmm, something to look forward to!
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